I Tell Stories
I Tell Stories Podcast covers a wide range of topics discussed by Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael. From the scourge on humanity of violent business hippies and Scott Baio to peculiar Serbian Mother's Day traditions,the boys offer their unique perspective. Revolutionary artists,legends of folklore and bizzare following of fast food items are just a few of the subjects touched on. I Tell Stories aims to bring attention to individuals and occerrences that are too interesting to be forgotten. Two long time friends who keep each other laughing give listeners their take on the world. Everyone has a story, these are ours and those of many others.
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I Tell Stories
Culinary Pioneer: The OG Robert May
What if the first celebrity chef wasn't from our modern era, but from the 17th century? In this episode, we journey through the life of Robert May, whose culinary genius and flamboyant dining spectacles turned him into a historical icon. Born in 1588, May's culinary voyage began in his father's kitchen, but it was his travels to Paris to learn French, Spanish, and Italian that truly set him apart. We explore his unmatched ability to create dining events where frogs leaped from pies and birds extinguished candles, revealing how these dramatic experiences captivated his audience and made dining an unforgettable adventure. We also take a peek into the fascinating etymology of food names, illustrating the social dynamics of Norman England through terms like 'cow' and 'beef.'
From eggshells filled with rose water to mock battles with pastry castles, May's culinary artistry knew no bounds. We delve into the extravagant feasts he orchestrated, like life-sized pastry deer filled with wine for a startling effect. This episode also touches on his pioneering role in publishing one of the first culinary books, cementing his legacy in the world of gastronomy. As a whimsical twist, we reminisce about the classic game Oregon Trail, highlighting its ironic portrayal of pioneer life with a humorous touch. Finally, we reflect on the joys and challenges of modern living, celebrate foodies everywhere, and share how you can support the show. Tune in for a blend of history, culinary spectacle, and a touch of nostalgia!
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ahoy, hoy, I don't even know where to begin. I don't know. I mean sometimes, uh, I've read things where you know, eating is not just about, like, the taste of the food or the fact that, like you know, it gets you full, it's about the experience, right?
Speaker 2:totally, and it appears that the world's alleged first celebrity chef, robert May, took that to a whole nother level with yes, yeah Occasions of frogs jumping out of pies, birds flying out flapping so hard they extinguish the candles to leave dinner guests in complete darkness, with animals hopping about and flying about and gunpowder in the air. Yeah, this guy, you name it. Yeah, he aimed to please and entertain his guests.
Speaker 1:Nice, I do love that, and you know, as we know. So here we are people who love dining. They love, you know, and some people love extreme dining. It's kind of gritty and high octane. I don't. I haven't really seen any examples of this in modern day, but I know it does exist, you know. I mean, I've seen it, but I can't recall them off the top of my head. You know Robert May. He was born in 1588. He ended up. His father's kitchen was a pretty. He was a private chef for Jesus Christ. Trying to find this here. Regardless, it doesn't say where it was from, but I know it was for the upper class, not in my notes, my bad people, I fucked up there Learning how to cook. So anyway, he's in his father's kitchen learning how to cook the kind of food that wealthy people enjoyed, like venison and game birds, sugary confections and towering jellies, fruit compotes and complex. What is that? C-o-m. Okay?
Speaker 2:cool man. It's like something that you top something with, like crepes with a strawberry compost.
Speaker 1:It's almost like a jam or jelly kind of oh okay, but like chunkier sort of huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so in multi-layered salads was another specialty. I guess His father's employers were so impressed by the younger May's burgeoning talent that they sent him abroad for further training. A teenage May arrived in Paris without a word of French and got to work. Damn, for the next five years he studied and read everything. He get on, uh, get his hands on from european cooking techniques and styles. He learned french, spanish and italian. You know, I was actually like digging in.
Speaker 1:Otherwise, in some of my notes and it was the person who was talking about him was very impressed with you know how he moved over there. He only knew english, right, you know. And uh, he, he didn't't want to read the cookbooks that had been translated. And so this was because it was available to an extent in this time where there was, you know, translated stuff from other languages like French, german, etc. But the so, and he definitely had the money to get a hold to those translations. But he learned the languages of the those cookbooks because he didn't want anything to be lost in the translation, he wanted to know it. He wanted to know exactly what these people from that that country were talking about, not like just something else, because you know these recipes that they were learning back then I guess, there wasn't really cookbooks, but there was like there was no recipe recipes there was some.
Speaker 2:That's what he learned. I read that. He learned French, spanish and Italian and, yeah, wanted to read all the stuff that he could find.
Speaker 1:Manuscripts, too, was another thing that he read through, but, yeah, he wanted to and yeah, so nothing was lost in translation.
Speaker 2:You know there's some fine lines with words. That's pretty amazing. You know.
Speaker 1:Hey, you want to know. Yeah, here, check this out. Venison sparks something in me that I learned this little off subject. But, um, so think about it like this do you know why it's like beef? And then like, okay, it's cow and beef, right, that's, that's correct. Right, one's english, one's french. Did you know that? No, okay, so cow is english. And this comes back from the days when norman. The normans took over england. Okay, they like tried to erase the language, and then they didn't speak english, so they can give a fuck. And so when they had, you know, these peasants work in the fields and whatnot, they were expected to know both languages, kind of. So since the peasant was the one working the fields and talking to his people, they still continued to call the animals cow, right Then. But the noble only thought of it as food and they actually called it buff, buff, like that or something right which went into yeah, which went into beef, so that's.
Speaker 1:And so, if you think about it like this, it's always like that for English. And like one is cow how we raise it, the other one is beef how we eat it. Same with chicken. You don't eat the cows. Well, yeah, yeah're steers, you don't eat the cows Well, yeah, yeah, you get what I'm saying, though. Yeah, I know, but that's technical language shit nowadays.
Speaker 1:This is from the origin of it all, you know, because they probably didn't give a fuck if it was a steer or not back then, my friend, I mean beyond milking, I suppose, but then again, I do not know, I just know this much of it as well, and it's. The same goes for chicken and poultry, uh, uh, pig and pork, it all like that, even if the the pork say I don't even know, cause this is just off the top of my head, but I know it's similar to pork, right, you know so that, but it is that. So, if it's we're raising it, it eating it, it's french and I I just thought that was kind of cool and just a little bit of an offshoot. And then the same with venison. Venison's a french word as well.
Speaker 2:So, uh, anyway, back to robert may, considering he's in france and he's a celebrity, the first celebrity chef, and he's english, which is crazy because the food sucks right owen well, but it looks like he realized that and as did the wealthy people in England were like, hey, why don't we our neighbors just to the south, and there's quite a bit of delicious food just across the channel.
Speaker 1:Exactly, yeah, exactly, you know. And so when he showed back up in 1609, he celebrated his 21st birthday and, uh, it was from this moment that he believed his career truly began. He worked in the well-stocked kitchens of earls and countesses, viscounts and viscountesses I'm unsure knights, lords and ladies, where he perfected the art of fine dining. Over the next 50 years, maywood worked in 13 great kitchens in London, as well as Sussex, essex, kent and Yorkshire. As he traveled the country, he became admired for his distinct style. This is pretty insane. I do want to kind of get into more of what he did, because he really turned it into a freaking art, did he not?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, that's spectacle. I mean not just like the, you know, presentation of food is. I've never really got it until I went to nice places where it's still delicious. It can't like look beautiful and then tastes like moss or something. I don't know what moss tastes like. I don't know what a pie that's had a frog or a bird a live frog or bird in it tastes like either.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I wouldn't be eating that.
Speaker 2:No, and I mean like the animals had to be scared too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's just so much that could go not well with food and live animals inside of it, but still, hey, I mean, it's like a, it's like a wedding that, like you know, they have all the under the seats and it's outdoors and they have a bunch of boxes with pigeons in them and then you're supposed to release them, but then none of them fly out because they're all dead, you know, and something like that could happen. Or, uh, the birds would shit all over everything.
Speaker 2:That would be insane, Even if these animals were trained. It's like, oh shit, this dude just put me in a pie.
Speaker 1:Like what the fuck? Yeah, All bad, this is all bad guys Just looking around.
Speaker 2:But he kept getting digs obviously. I saw one where he had his staff get all the egg yolk and whites out of the shells and then filled them with rose water yeah, that was neat and then filled the holes and then basically had what essentially amounted to a high-end water balloon fight with eggshells filled with rose water.
Speaker 1:Right, and it just perfumed the room. Huh, yeah, I guess he gave the guests the eggs and he instructed them to just break them as they wish, it doesn't even matter. And so some guests smashed them on the floor and other ones started throwing them at each other and it just perfumed the whole room with rose water, which is very fancy, I feel. Here's one in particular that to me. There's two that really stand out to me. Okay, of his dining spectacles.
Speaker 1:One dining spectacle saw me fashioning miniature castles and ships out of pastries, complete with flags and streamers, as well as battlements of gates and drawbridges made of pasteboard which you know I don't know if that's edible and outfitted with tiny cannons packed with real gunpowder. That's fucking insane. He and his kitchen staff would announce that the ship and castle were going to engage in a mock battle. That's crazy. Gunpowder charges were lit and the pastry would explode in a cloud of smoke. This was supposedly a salt diner's. Well, that's noses with, okay, okay, noses with what May called the stink of the powder, a special effect that he believed would delight and disgust in equal measure. Huh, that's very interesting to imagine that he built all this whole mock battle scene and then just shot people with cake, apparently. It almost reminds me of some shit. What was that guy's name? Gallagher? Yeah, smashing water bottles. Do these guys have some sort of deerskin aprons on or some shit? I don't know?
Speaker 2:Some sort of deer skin aprons on or some shit. I don't know. I did see that his signature holiday dish, I guess, was a full-size, life-size deer. That was a pastry that had somehow been filled with wine and then it looked like it had just been shot with arrows and when the diners removed the arrows it would look like the wine would gush out Like blood. Oh, like blood, yeah yeah. It would look like you know the wine would gush out Like blood. Oh, like blood, yeah, yeah, it's just like. Okay.
Speaker 1:I don't know what that would do for my appetite but I don't know, it depends on the scene, man, you know these are different times, wild and crazy, right. I mean, like these guys might have been living out their hedonistic dreams back then. They were pretty fucking. I mean, rich people can be pretty weird. I think even now. Right, look at the. Never mind, I'm not gonna go into it, but nonetheless, you know these parties were pretty exclusive, so I'm sure these people came prepared to and most of the people that could afford this kind of behavior like a duchess. You know they don't give a fuck, right, like they're going to probably drink that blood from a real deer in their little rituals and whatnot.
Speaker 2:And then I did see that a couple of the fans even wrote very eloquent poems, one included who can, in paste, erect a finest flower, a complete fort, a castle or a tower, ah, nice. And another one a castle or a tower, ah. And another one to candy, to preserve, to sauce, to pickle, to make rare sauces, both to please and tickle. Isn't exactly Maya Angelou here, but hey, you know they were fans of.
Speaker 1:I don't know that I want sauce tickling me either, but hey, it's crazy, crazy Brits, brits and yeah, I mean, it's like he took French ideas and then he went to the British bogs and pulled in some waterfowl and shit and some frogs. What are we going to use now? You know, I don't know. So that poetry was interesting. I feel your dad would be proud. My friend, mr jim mcmichael hey, he's a published poet man. He's gonna be into it, I guarantee it all. Right, everybody, check that out, buy his books, guys. That's a plug for your dad, by the way.
Speaker 1:Um, anyway, yeah, man, pretty crazy, he, he, uh. He did kind of come from humble origins, because when I was looking at this again, it doesn't state anything to the effect that they're wealthy. It was just that his dad was already a pretty established cook. You know what I'm saying. So that did help him gain ground in this industry and he did man, the work ethic behind this guy and the one thing that I had seen somewhere else and it's kind of pointed out and it's like the, the, the 10 years to master something kind of theory or whatever, and then it also came out from his environment, right, and then they compared this guy to mozart and what people don't, uh, may not know.
Speaker 1:Well, normal folks like me, I didn't know this shit, shit, I don't know. But Mozart, his dad was a famous composer too, and so he grew up doing this. Since he was like the age of three and this is very similar with Mr May here He'd been doing it and living in kitchens, and so it just so happened. You know, I mean, it doesn't mean that he's going to be guaranteed genius or anything like that, but since he was, and then he was in this environment, it allowed him to flourish. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:and then you see that he's basically the first back then I mean, unless you're a famous author already or had the money, you know very well, educated, a politician royalty, something like that those are the people getting their books published. He was the first like food worker, right the accomplished cook, a politician royalty, something like that those are the people getting their books published. He was the first like food worker, right the accomplished cook, and I guess when it came out it was five shillings, which was double normal publications, and that would be roughly 50 bucks today, and it flew off the shelves apparently.
Speaker 1:Damn Okay. Here it was published five times in 25 years. Yeah, you know, back in them days a book was something that was. Now you just go get him for free from the library. People weren't loaning you books, bro. You know. I'm saying maybe they were, but they they typically weren't.
Speaker 2:They were pretty, pretty expensive and they were bound in fine leather and possibly held on a shelf made of rich mahogany, I think is that how you say it, yeah anyway, I might have to check it out because apparently the Folger Shakespeare Library has digitalized the entire book and it's available to the public.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, like just free use kind of shit. Huh, that's great.
Speaker 2:I will. Yeah, definitely. I'm not going to be putting any like pterodactyls in a pie, or why not? So that would be impressive. I'd be Bill and Ted for that, probably, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't know, you know, I don't know what kind of um, what kind of animal would be acceptable?
Speaker 2:No, live animals in my food, not even that like the Japanese thing. You've seen that right when you eat, like the live, like the tentacles, like yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but no, no, that's just.
Speaker 2:No, and I'm an adventurous eater, but there's a point where it's just like okay, now we just need mental evaluation.
Speaker 1:I kind of feel like Right, I mean, I do get it. Hey, I got one for you. Haven't you ever like shucked an oyster and ate it?
Speaker 2:No, I don't think Like. I'm a smoked oyster type of character. I guess I probably have at some point, but so they're still alive, or I guess I have at some point, but so they're still alive, or I guess?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I was just trying to get you.
Speaker 2:They're not like animated though. But yeah, I'm not a raw oyster type of I don't know, because I love shellfish. They cook the motherfuckers. Butter, yeah, garlic Delicious, yes.
Speaker 1:Doesn't take very long. No, it does not. It's fantastic. There's a lot of stuff in life like that, guys, where you know, as you grow old, you know which most of our listeners are probably about our age, I'm guessing. I don't even know If you're younger than 40, drop us a line, I don't know let's date ourselves, and not in that way alone. So I think that and the most impressive thing about him to me.
Speaker 1:I just want to speak about some positivity, man and work ethic and how good he did, because, no matter where he came from or whatever, which was semi-humble beginnings, however you want to say it, he wasn't like a slave or a servant or nothing like that. He was, you know, a chef and his dad was as well. But would be the fact that he only knew that one language? He had a patron, support him and, you know, ship him to france and then he learned those languages. That's what he did.
Speaker 1:He had that like drive. I mean he loved it and he kept at it and it was, it was a thing. I mean there's a difference between like working really hard to obtain something because it's a goal and you know you should do that, but, man, when you really love something and you work hard at it. Holy fuck, you know like that's some shit, man. And the fact that he um, when I looked into the book too as well, it was one of the big things about it was just how he had wrote. It was meant for everybody for one, it wasn't just meant for rich people or whatever. So I don't know if that means he also threw in some dishes that maybe people of lesser means could cook.
Speaker 2:You know, I'm saying, or like something like that and also back then when you get a lobster for like two shillings or whatever you know before the rich people made it expensive. Same with pasta. You know pasta is not expensive. It's time consuming to make. But you know and I love Italian restaurants, don't get me wrong like, but you know you're paying just a huge markup because it became trendy, like I bet you like, when Italian restaurants first opened in this country it was a very affordable, you know.
Speaker 1:Oh, it was for sure. It was very much like Mexican food. Unfortunately, now there's like taco trucks where they're trying to give you a $2. And this has nothing to do with inflation people, it's just how they're trying to do it, but a lot of them it's the honky taco trucks trying to charge too much, to be honest with you. So it's like a good taco from anywhere else would be like $2.50. Yeah, that's totally fair.
Speaker 2:But $5?. I'm going to have to eat six street tacos, at least if I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, and I'm accepting that, coming from when you know they used to be $1.25, you know, not even that long. Yeah, so I accept $2.50, but I do not accept $5 for a fucking taco, guys Like a little ass taco. Sorry, I don't even know, but that's not happening to you. Mexican food I will fucking open it up. I'll open up a taco truck and then staff it with real Mexican people and then give proceeds to something cool for Mexican people, Just to keep tacos alive, like that for $2.50. Guys just saying I don't know if that's gonna help, saying I don't know if that's, like, gonna help anybody, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Anyway, nonetheless, this guy was fantastic. I think he did some cool shit, man, and I thought you would love the fact that that was the that I found the first celebrity chef of sorts. The other thing about his book is he actually did have, uh, wood prints done on the inside Like pictures, so that's what set it aside as well from any other. See, I wasn't sure if they were just the recipe books or if it was just, like you know, you got recipes one at a time, or something like that 21 different ways to make an omelet.
Speaker 2:I don't, I can't even think of probably six. I don't know if that means just ingredients or like, actually like procedures to make an omelet, but I am going to check this out. No, thank you, I've never heard of this gentleman. I am a food dork, as I say. I like the cooking shows and the Bourdain stuff and some of the spectacle to it, as well as just the flavor. But really it seems well, he obviously was a pioneer in making it an experience and I've heard of you know nothing this outrageous I guess, but of you know different style, I I mean. So he was a pie, you know, just centuries ahead of Food Network and really, this being available to everybody, he made it as available as he could, although it was expensive, by publishing this book. So we have much respect, mr May. Sir.
Speaker 1:May was he ever knighted.
Speaker 2:It doesn't say he was knighted. I don't think.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think he was.
Speaker 2:I think this seems like yeah, that's Right.
Speaker 1:That's a knightable achievement Knightable offense.
Speaker 1:Achievement. Yeah, whatever works man, check this out. Here's I found a recipe To stew a rump, or the fat end of a brisket of beef in the French fashion. Take a rump of beef, boil it and scum it clean in a stewing pan or broadmouth, cover it close and let it stew an hour. Then put to it some whole pepper cloves, mace and salt. Scorch the meat with your knife to let out the gravy, then put in some claret wine and a half dozen of solicit onions. Anyway, it goes on and on. I don't know if I want to read all this, but this is kind of how this cookbook goes. I wish I could have found like a picture from the inside of it. I'm sure you can, my friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in all my technological wizardry, yeah. Huzzah I still play Oregon Trail? No, I don't. Yeah, oh man, Green pickles or something. Susie's dead from dysentery. I was like what a happy game.
Speaker 1:Yeah, owen was the first person to play Oregon Trail on a computer, guys, right when it came out 1987. Yeah, he played so old, he played it in real life. Yeah, fuck that. A while before Oregon. Yeah, he played so old, he played it in real life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, fuck that a while before. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:I love living out here but I couldn't imagine anyway. Shout out to all the foodies check out, robert May. You know I didn't finish the recipe I was reading, but it doesn't mean that you can't support the show and go to pitlocksupplycom. Other ways to click ways is to click on our show notes and there's some support links and just other fun ways to get a hold of us and share it if you want. That'd be great. We love doing this for you guys, so just make sure to keep us in mind sometimes if you feel necessary. Also, owen, I hope everybody out there has a really great day or evening.
Speaker 2:Much love everybody.
