I Tell Stories
I Tell Stories Podcast covers a wide range of topics discussed by Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael. From the scourge on humanity of violent business hippies and Scott Baio to peculiar Serbian Mother's Day traditions,the boys offer their unique perspective. Revolutionary artists,legends of folklore and bizzare following of fast food items are just a few of the subjects touched on. I Tell Stories aims to bring attention to individuals and occerrences that are too interesting to be forgotten. Two long time friends who keep each other laughing give listeners their take on the world. Everyone has a story, these are ours and those of many others.
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I Tell Stories
Yo Momma: Bygone Insults from Days of Yore
Oh boy, boy, hey, what's up? Man? Um, you dweeb, whatever butt, say oh shit, that's an old-ass insult, old man, that doesn't apply these days so much Not like it used to, I guess. Right, I don't know what about goober Goober? That's a good one. Hmm, so what were we? Is this bygone insults of yore that I'm hearing. From days of yore, I believe. Oh, from days of yore. I'm sorry, Bygone insults from days of yore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't be a doofus okay.
Speaker 1:Oh, whatever, bozo Ha. So Obviously we're just saying a bunch of shit right now, but you know there's quite a few outdated insults that we forgot about growing older, and you know who knows. It's just like where did this shit come from? I suppose Some of these I can tell you where they came from in my era and I'm going to start with one because I feel like if you're in the range of like 35 to 50, you'll probably know what a fart knocker is and where it came from. Good old Beavis and Butthead's origin story of that I'm pretty sure of that. That's just something they came with. So, mike Judge, he invented fart knocker. I'm guessing Right. I don't know what a guy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's got a long list. He actually he's the one who did the movie Idiocracy, right.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know. I know he did. The Office Space and Silicon Valley was basically loosely based on his experience in the tech world in the 80s.
Speaker 1:So yeah, go, mike Judge. Yeah, no, he definitely did the Idiocracy. It's kind of weird. You know they always talk like the Simpsons predict things. Well, mike Judge kind of called it, he called it.
Speaker 2:Definitely not a poser.
Speaker 1:No, he's not. Oh, no, no. Yeah, muttonhead was one that came up. He's no muttonhead, that's for sure. I don't know who the fuck said that, that's for sure. I don't know who the fuck said that. That's supposedly from the 80s guys. Anyway, there's a lot of these that are kind of fucking weird. There's one that a spaz. Anybody use a spaz. I mean, we all know a spaz. I think they kind of still use that to some people these days, do you think? I don't know, that's a hell of a hell of one.
Speaker 2:We could go way back. Go ahead, drop me. 18th century insult. A golumpus is a large, clumsy fellow.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's interesting. There's nothing wrong with that. The one that I seen that was a 90s one that I thought was pretty funny, made me laugh a little bit was a douche canoe. Yeah, so just a longer version of a douche canoe. What about douche nozzle? Oh, douche nozzle. Yeah, that's terrible. I don't even know.
Speaker 2:I think I referred to Lindbergh as a flying or an airborne douche nozzle, yeah.
Speaker 1:On one of our early episodes. Yeah, it was. He was a piece of shit Was he not.
Speaker 2:He was very much In Ireland. They might even call him a Narky hole.
Speaker 1:A narky hole. That's disturbing, disgusting.
Speaker 2:It means moany.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, so narky moany. Whatever Don't be a mook, okay, apparently a goon or an idiot. Owen, I'm just talking here, don't turn into some raggedy bitch.
Speaker 2:Sorry, don't turn into some raggedy bitch.
Speaker 1:Isn't that like East Coast? Sorry, it says, don't turn into some raggedy bitch. Apparently, raggedy bitch, which was number 62 on this list, is part of that, so nonetheless.
Speaker 2:Well, he doesn't want to be a fuss-up either. A lazy fat woman. A frownzy old woman A frownzy I don't know what frownzy means.
Speaker 1:I don't either. I'm not up on that. That 1800s lingo Chump is one that people don't use as often. I don't think I haven't heard anybody call it chump for quite a while.
Speaker 2:That's true, that's true. Actually, right before we started to record this, I was speaking to a dear friend, Brooke, friend of the show, Brooke, and Dave McKinley and Hazel Love you all. But Brooke brought up a good one you know she's my age and she said what about penis breasts? I was like that is an excellent book.
Speaker 1:The 1980s playground insult yeah, Pretty tough to come back from it is Applies to all as well. You know that can hurt everybody there. Ew, that penis breath. There's some of these that I, you know, I think people still sort of use. Maybe it's just because we're older so we do hear that sort of stuff still. But two on here that are very relative to each other I feel is Fuck Nut and Fuck Stick, are both ones that are kind of older. That went away a little bit Shitweasel. That's interesting. I've never called anybody a shitweasel.
Speaker 2:Somebody needs to get on this. I've not had any occasion to call someone such. How about here's one? I didn't know was 18th century A scrub, a low-mean fellow employed of all sorts of dirty work Scrub.
Speaker 1:Is that where that comes from? Yeah Dang, apparently so TLC was 18th century English Taking it way back. Yeah no shit.
Speaker 2:Which, yeah, sporty thieves kind of just destroyed that whole fucking, yeah, whole point well it was.
Speaker 1:You know there's back and forth, you know it's a. You know women are from venus, men are from mars thing. I suppose skeezer, speaking of stuff like that, uh, that was an older one that came up uh, skis in general, so I I feel like a skis could be like the guy version and then skizer is the female version. Those both came up behind Shit Weasel, just so you know. Shit Weasel taking it on this list, that was a pretty good one. I tell stories homework out there people, I want you to call somebody in your life a shit weasel, see what they say. And then, you know, drop us a line, tell me how that went.
Speaker 2:And I'm keeping up with the skeezer, the beloved soprano skeefooza. Essentially, I feel like New Jersey version of skeezer. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh hey. Well, there we are, turd burglars out there. Are you listening? That's one on this list as well, a turd burglar, an odd but occasionally used insult. That was the only explanation for it, but nonetheless, nonetheless, nonetheless.
Speaker 2:And I'm the Irish one. It's a shite hawk. A shite hawk and most of these insults that are higher, supposed to be just means a fool or someone who just yeah A shit bird you a shit bird, a shite hawk, I'll be damned. And a shabberoon is an ill-dressed shabby fellow, Also a mean-spirited person.
Speaker 1:Dang Dang Biatch. I think people use that one too.
Speaker 2:How far are we going back?
Speaker 1:I don't know, way back, way back. That was in the way back machine. I'm just pretty much. I guess I was kind of a flake. There's one on the list my friends out there that on this episode, because I just did like 80s and 90s mainly. But that's okay.
Speaker 2:That's what I was starting on. And then I was just like I thought of, yeah, 18th century insults, of a book I had years ago. And then Travis, friend of the show, he got me Dialogue of the Vulgar Tongue and I think that was something that Colt brought up. Yeah, I did, it was a censorship episode maybe. And I said I actually have a copy of that and he was just like, of course you do, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:So that kind of inspired me to take it back even further and it is interesting to see how some of these males that scrub I was totally unaware of that being there, yeah, Well, in the 18th century it might even be like the origin to our English word of like scrubbing things and such, you know, because back then the language was developing quite a bit still. So it's a thing, hey. But I did take it way back to some 19th century stuff which is the 1800s people out there. A cad is one they used to call people all the time, which I've heard in old-ass movies before. It's a mean fellow or a man trying to worm something out of another, either money or information. So don't be a cad people.
Speaker 1:That one comes from this website called the Art of Manliness, which, okay, and nonetheless Duke of Limbs, a tall, awkward fellow. It says that's another one. Yes, the Duke of Limbs. That's pretty good actually. I just look this shit up, people. I had to fucking hurry to hustle up and catch up with Owen because he did more research than me guys, and that's cool. That's what makes the show great, my friend. I'm glad you did that.
Speaker 2:How about Death's Head Upon a Mopstick? Oh yep, poor miserable emaciated fellow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's crazy. These are actually pretty good, pretty good. This one might be aimed at your people over there, and this is still on these older ones. Man, we really strayed away from what we were doing originally. A ginger snap, a hot-headed person I don't think they're talking about the Scots, are they? I'm unsure. But nincompoop, that's a good one. I think that's still said to little kids, maybe I don't know. I've heard that at some point in my life before. Maybe it was directed at me, I can't remember now. Oh no, give me another one, let's go Blunderbuss. I know that's like a gun of sorts.
Speaker 2:It is. Yes, you put like just shrapnel on them, it's like broken glass, whatever you can find in there, and then just the cover would shoot it out. But apparently this is also an insult, calling someone a stupid, blundering fellow.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good. Yeah, one that's on this 80s, one kind of raining it in for me real quick. I mean that was fun though, but a scrote To call somebody a scrote, short for scrotum, used as an insult, that's all it says, guys, it's not a compliment.
Speaker 2:No to call somebody a scrote Jesus.
Speaker 1:don't be a scrote man. I don't even know. Some of these are interesting. I just thought it was.
Speaker 2:Doxy a whore or a loose wench.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that'd be from the Vulgar Insults book as well. I think I've seen that Because I've read part of that book on a website on a PDF type thing At some point, maybe doing research, I don't know. So, some of these man, I love Shitweasel. That's my favorite one, one I found so far Like that's just random that I never heard before. Really Taint Stain was on this list, people in the 90s apparently, and also Whack. I feel like if you use the word Whack too much, you're kind of a Taint Stain. Owen, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, once in a while it's appropriate, I guess, whatever, especially if it's in a joking way. But these days people don't be whack and use the word whack or you're a taint stain. Okay, I guess land you. I said whack a bunch, man, that makes me kind of a taint stain.
Speaker 2:Moving on, Well, one of the crown jewels, I feel especially playground. You know, if you attack with this one, there's very little comeback to calling someone a penis wrinkle, oh no no, that is a playground insult of sorts.
Speaker 1:Dang that's, I think penis wrinkle does. Dang that's, I think Penis Wrinkle does. It's one, shitweasel two and then I don't know Shit. I like Shitweasel quite a bit, man. It sounds like a punk band, does it not Opening up for no effects or something? I don't know? Yeah, shitweasel, I might have fucking done sound for a band named shit weasel and forgot about it. I don't know, who knows. I used to fuck with some punk bands, so here and there it's very interesting. You get there to do sound for somebody else you know, and you're trying to set to like what they're doing as they're warming up before the show and figure out where their vocals will be at. Stuff like that make them sound good. Whenever I've done sound for a punk band, they'll come over and be like just turn all that shit all the way up. They just want everything this one goes to 11.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they just want it so loud and obnoxious. But that's their shit, man. They're always good shows, whatever, it was cool. Hmm, lamo, that was a good one. Back in the day that I heard old people say to people I don't know, that might have been more 80s, I can't. Yep, that was more 80s because it's in the 80s. Dorcas, dorcas. Yeah, dorcas is kind of a good one. That's whatever I wish. I don't know. So which one of these would you want to bring back? That's the question. I want to ask a question now. I know which one I'm going to pick, because I've said it a bunch already which one would you want to bring back, if there was one from these bygone eras?
Speaker 2:I think Spaz, Spaz, Although maybe Spaz has never really gone away, Because anyone who was around in the 80s or early 90s I would think you know Spaz, it's so descriptive.
Speaker 1:Right, it is. Yeah, my dog Benson's definitely a Spaz, that's for sure, so I do get it. I think, shitweasel man, that one's just too good to be like. I don't even know why that gets me like that, but it does. So spaz has never really left. Scrote was pretty good. Might have to fit that one in somewhere. I don't know how, but we'll figure it out.
Speaker 2:Oh, ass clown, that was another one on here, yeah so I remember hearing that actually was Office Space when they're telling Michael Bolton to change his name and he's just like, no, I'm not going to change my name to some no-talent ass clown. That was my introduction to that again.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's good A wonderful film, all right, yeah, you know, it's amazing almost, and I'm not saying we're smart or anything, or talented even, but I can't believe we just kind of made that an episode. That was interesting.
Speaker 2:That was just a lot of insults, I don't think the Nobel Peace Prize committee will be contacting us about it, but we do what we can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we might win a Pulitzer Nobel Peace Prize committee will be contacting us Maybe, so we do what we can. We might win a Pulitzer, I don't know. Who knows? Technically, I don't know. Write it down, let's see. I would be interested to see what people would think their favorites are. I know you can drop us a line. If you listen to us on Spotify, we do see them, that's a thing. But all you do is just uh, under the episode it'll give you an option to send us a message and post it and then you can be on the on the show. Technically, you know, start, start some talking people if you want to.
Speaker 1:I don't really care about shit, but I I'm going with. Uh, well, I already forgot it was it? Shit, weasel, that was pretty good. Yes, cool buzz, bro, cool buzz. I did get kind of high before this. So, yeah, no, no, never, never, never, never. Yeah, there's lots of fun stuff out there. People, I suppose it's just yeah, I don't know Yutz, but that's borrowed from Yiddish. It says, and I don't understand how that's. Let's not end out that bad. Hey, everybody out there. I hope you have a great day or evening.
Speaker 2:Much love everybody, Thank you.
