I Tell Stories
I Tell Stories Podcast covers a wide range of topics discussed by Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael. From the scourge on humanity of violent business hippies and Scott Baio to peculiar Serbian Mother's Day traditions,the boys offer their unique perspective. Revolutionary artists,legends of folklore and bizzare following of fast food items are just a few of the subjects touched on. I Tell Stories aims to bring attention to individuals and occerrences that are too interesting to be forgotten. Two long time friends who keep each other laughing give listeners their take on the world. Everyone has a story, these are ours and those of many others.
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I Tell Stories
100 Episode Recap Part 1
What happens when you look up at the night sky and see something that defies explanation? That feeling of wonder—and sometimes fear—has inspired humanity's greatest questions for centuries. Today we're unpacking the science behind UFO classifications with a deep dive into J. Allen Hynek's seven-point scale of extraterrestrial encounters.
From fleeting glimpses of strange lights (level one) to full-blown abduction scenarios (level seven), this episode walks you through the increasingly intimate ways humans report contact with the unknown. We explore what separates a simple misidentified aircraft from genuine anomalies, and what happens when encounters leave physical evidence or involve face-to-face meetings with non-human entities. As one of our guests eloquently puts it: "I'm unclear on why they would travel so far just to stick something up some hillbilly's ass"—a question that perfectly captures our collective confusion about alleged alien motivations.
The conversation takes an unexpected turn when we hear a compelling firsthand account from Las Vegas, where specialized night-vision equipment captured objects performing impossible aerial maneuvers at speeds exceeding 1,000 mph. The witness's detailed description of objects appearing, disappearing, and reappearing across the Vegas skyline challenges conventional explanations and reminds us why this topic continues to fascinate despite scientific skepticism.
We lighten the mood with an exploration of Chuck Norris jokes—those hyperbolic claims about the martial arts legend that became an internet sensation. "Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain" and "Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in its chin; its descendants are now known as giraffes" showcase how modern mythology forms in the digital age. Just as we create narratives about potential visitors from beyond our planet, we craft larger-than-life legends about our fellow humans.
Whether you're a dedicated UFO researcher, a casual sky-watcher, or just someone who enjoys contemplating the possibility that we're not alone in the universe, this episode offers both scientific framework and human stories to fuel your curiosity. Subscribe now and join our ongoing exploration of life's most fascinating mysteries—both cosmic and comedic.
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All right, let's see if he answers.
Speaker 2:Our call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess that's a good start to the podcast.
Speaker 2:All right Is not available.
Speaker 1:Let's uh.
Speaker 2:The mailbox is full and cannot accept any messages at this time. Goodbye.
Speaker 1:This guy, literally I'm surprised he can use a fucking toaster. Oh, there it goes.
Speaker 2:All right, this is bad. Yeah, of course it just went in the other room. I was looking for my white hair and then they got to it on the last ring, but anyway, there was a guy, j Allen Hynek, and he created a scale.
Speaker 1:Basically he was a professor of astronomy. He was some other things too, I read, but that was the biggest thing that stuck out to me. So he was a pretty educated guy and he created a scale in the 70s that basically judged how intense your encounter was. So you know, one being like well, I'll just read the scale. What do you think, owen, should I just tell the people the information? Yeah, okay, cool, information is power. Yes, indeed, so okay. So the first one is nocturnal lights, bright lights seen in the night sky, often mistaken for stars or other celestial objects, so, okay. So I don't know exactly what that means, but whatever. Two daytime disks hey, we're getting good here. Round or disk-shaped objects seen in the daytime sky, often mistaken for aircraft or other man-made objects oh, okay. So the first one might be like orbs or something right, something to that effect in the sky. I don't know.
Speaker 2:And then number three yeah, and I think everybody's probably seen something that they weren't exactly sure what it was.
Speaker 1:Right. So that's kind of like the like who knows, right? Okay, I get it, that makes sense. That's a good number. One, right? Okay, yeah, so three, three my friend is radar or visual reports, which just means I feel, feel that there's some like scientific evidence to something being funny. So that's reports of UFO sightings that involve both a visual sighting and a radar detection of an object. That's pretty cool. Okay, so that's getting bigger. Number four close encounters of the first kind Reports of UFO sightings that involve a visual sighting of an object at a relatively close distance. So use your judgment on the close distance, I suppose, make out some details, I'm guessing. Five close encounters of the second kind Reports of UFO sightings that involve physical evidence, such as damage to the environment or interference with an individual's car or equipment. So like your radio flickering and it's playing some weird jazz station and then all of a sudden it's playing country and Dwight Yoakam and stuff right Dancing in the streets.
Speaker 1:We need to not do that, man, because we're going to get somebody's going to get out there and it's going to be like popular on TikTok, right you know? And then it's going to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, thanks. Okay, I just hope that doesn't isn't too much of an inside joke. You, I just hope that isn't too much of an inside joke. You gotta, like, go back to another episode and check it out. I believe it's censorship. So back to the UFOs. Here we are.
Speaker 1:Number six Close encounters of the third kind Reports of UFO sightings that involve the observation of beings or entities associated with the UFO. So I mean, like walking around a craft that maybe landed or something you know, like they're coming out and they wave at you, I guess. So it's like you physically see a being. Now at this point, whatever those beings may be, right, that's kind of fun to say. Whatever those beings may be, All right. Number seven, which is the big dog here we got, we got to the end. I should have put a drum roll here, or something. Number seven abduction, occupant cases. Reports of UFO sightings that involved that alleged kidnapping or abduction of an individual by beings associated with the UFO.
Speaker 1:So this is our probing and such, my friend. This is the real meat of the story. What's going on Like? Why are people being probed? Who's probing and such? My friend, this is probably this is the real meat of the story. What's going on Like? Why are people being probed? Who's probing them? Owen, Do you know? Not you. I'm not saying you're probing them. I'm saying do you know who's probing them? Certainly not.
Speaker 2:No, I'm unclear on why they would travel so far, just to like stick something up, some hillbilly's ass.
Speaker 1:I don't get it either. There's something there. And here's Apocalypse. Pit of Doomsday Productions, notorious North Town native, las Vegas, nevada, with his take on things I got something on video and shit.
Speaker 3:Dude, I'm sitting up here watching Paranormal caught on camera. This motherfucker in Vegas about like eight years ago he makes money off. He has like night vision, some type of fucking optical night vision type of shit where he just would be watching the sky so you can't see it with the human eye. But this motherfucker, they show some shit and he stays in somewhere and that's like fucking like up north, like literally like maybe 20, maybe about like a good 30, 45 minutes from here where I'm at. He was aiming at the fucking mountain. I could step out here and see where he was aiming, at Blue Diamond, and he was like he watched the motherfucking shit. His own paranormal camera too. You can Google this shit. He caught a motherfucking spaceship. Dude.
Speaker 3:This motherfucker was in the low down on the motherfucking low with the mountain. Then it rose up and the motherfucker soared. It soared over by Black Mountain. Then next thing you know he's like now it's by Nellis Air Force Base Over there where I used to stay Right, and he said he clocked it for the speed that it was going and he said it took him about like two or three minutes to get from where it was all the way the fuck over here from one side of Vegas to the motherfucking northeast side of Vegas, and so the way he clocked it he said the motherfucker had to be traveling at least over 1,000 miles per hour.
Speaker 3:So I'm sitting up there. I got a little buzz and shit. I said man, let's just step outside and just look at the sky. And then I noticed it wasn't no stars out, it wasn't even no fucking usually be like fucking helicopters and shit flying by and you could see the planes taking off from McCarran. So I'm like, okay, what the fuck is this blinking back here and shit.
Speaker 3:And then it shows itself. Then it fade out, then the motherfucking next thing, you know it shows itself. It was in a different area. Then next thing, I know I notice like two other different little motherfucking specks like that doing that. So I grabbed my phone, started recording and shit Got like a minute 49, 45 seconds of this shit, right, and you can literally see what I was talking about. As I was filming this shit I was like look, there's no stars in the sky, ain't no wind blowing this, it's hot as fuck. It was after 12 o'clock, right, and I'm like, just pay attention, and then you're going to see that motherfucker pop up and then you can see the motherfucker disappear, Then you can see the motherfucker pop up somewhere else.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh shit, yeah, he was like man, it's like Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro, where you know they just like to do parades. I think there wasn't really an explanation on that. But they do do St Patrick's Day in Brazil and get wild and booty, shake and whatever the hell, throw beads. So that's. I don't know. I have no idea. I don't know what they do in Brazil for St Patrick's Day.
Speaker 2:They probably eat better than dyed green food Right, which, incidentally, I read something just this morning that somewhat came out of. During the potato famine of the 1840s, when it was the worst, I guess, people resorted to eating grass. Oh my, and so Irish folktales speak of people having green mouths as they died. So yeah, when you're dying over green and your food green, your beer green. It's kind of a dark history there. Not to be a downer, but it's like a legit thing.
Speaker 1:Wipe that smile off my face. So it's like a legit thing to, if it gives me bliss, wipe that smile off my face. Yeah, so it's like a legit thing to dye your food green. Why, though or is that just a crazy play on words that only I recognize? Because they're dying with a green face, you know? So you're dying green, right? Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I don't think there's that much to that. I think it's just me being a little stoned.
Speaker 2:Anyway, but I did read somebody said that they still like the tradition because it also reminds them to be grateful for everything that they have now and can be feeding their family. So we died green food instead of dying with a grass-stained mouth, Right, yeah? Well, it's a dark thought. It reminds just another reminder to like appreciate everything you have.
Speaker 1:Hey, you know what I'm saying High five from Washington, because that was probably the coolest fucking one so far. Three, no two legit black belts and then two honorary, one being Brazilian jiu-jitsu and then the other Judo. So, and then obviously he just Chuck Norris is a freaking icon right, well, yeah, I mean, in the beginning there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job. Damn, did nothing get a job? I bet it did.
Speaker 2:We're here.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, that's a good one.
Speaker 2:But then the dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way. Once you know what happened to them, no, I do not, oh, I do.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, I didn't know it was going to go that dark. I thought he pet one or something. Anyway, let's go forward.
Speaker 2:The chief expert of Chuck Norris is pain, oh man.
Speaker 1:The cost is high, it's supreme. It's like a Walker Texas Ranger episode, I feel. You know where he gets the bad guys. I just watched one recently, which is not a thing I do. I just did that this morning and they busted some bodybuilders who were apparently smuggling cocaine. They look like flour. Yeah, sweet yeah Walker. And looked like flour. Yeah, that was Sweet yeah Walker. And my mom, I told her that we were going to do this and she's like well, all I know about Chuck Norris is that he was a karate guy and he had a really cheesy TV show, damn.
Speaker 2:Chuck, does she know that when Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets chucked, chuck.
Speaker 1:Or that Chuck.
Speaker 2:Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Speaker 1:Where do you do that at? Hmm, just saying.
Speaker 2:I mean, what's the bowling alley going to tell him not to? It's Chuck Norris.
Speaker 1:Yeah, damn right. Okay, fair enough, these were pretty popular. I do remember in the World of Warcraft game that there was a Chuck Norris joke takeover for a long period of time and to the effect that they even made a Super Bowl commercial with said jokes in it.
Speaker 2:So these are great. Yeah, it was kind of a huge thing in like the mid-2000s to like 2010,. It seems like People just came up with hundreds of them, oh man, and some of them were brilliant. Honestly, some of them were not very good.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, it's like a knock-knock joke, but it's a Chuck Norris joke, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, on the seventh day, God rested, chuck Norris took over, oh.
Speaker 1:Take that Christianity.
Speaker 2:Chuck Norris also counted to infinity twice.
Speaker 1:Ooh, take that eons. Alright, man, You're brightening my day. I hope y'all are out there and you're driving and you're listening to this. Just you know, Let it make your day that much better and think good. Chuck Norris.
Speaker 2:Who are these two old people talking about?
Speaker 1:I tell stories. Why are there cowboys?
Speaker 2:I've been asked that Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
Speaker 1:What does he have? That's rough.
Speaker 2:Okay anyway, chuck Norris doesn't use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, oxford will change the spelling. Of course they will. It's nice of them. Yeah, they're very kind. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Speaker 1:Is that kind of like a unihop? Wait, I don't even know how that works.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah, I get it. He's that badass. I mean, you know, chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.
Speaker 1:See, these are clever. I agree with that. It's a bit funny.
Speaker 2:Champions are the breakfast of. Agree with that, it's a bit funny. Champions are the breakfasts of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Speaker 1:That is impressive. I just imagined how that would go. It would be like a freaking tornado or something in a cartoon. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Jeff once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, oh, no, I like that one.
Speaker 2:Chuck Norris makes onions cry. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. What I didn't expect. That. Who had the time and the talent? I mean God bless, but what is your occupation that you have the time to sit around and just do this? Oh, I guess I could ask myself the same question. Right, I do know Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. Of course Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. Of course Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. Hell yeah, he did. Chuck Norris can beat the sun in a staring contest.
Speaker 1:Oh no, oh no, chuck, son you got Chuck Chuck, you got Chuck son Wait. Yeah, son you got Chuck Chuck, you got Chuck son Wait yeah.
Speaker 2:All right. Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in its chin. Its descendants are now known as Giraffe.
Speaker 1:That's good, that's a good one. I like that one too. That one's good, damn, chuck. This is your legacy, bro. This is Chuck Norris' legacy. You know, I bet you like, because I kind of forget what Chuck Norris has done outside being tough and in jokes. You know what I'm saying. Like, you remember certain things, but this is what I remember, chuck, your legacy All that hard work, all your years of training, training with Bruce Lee and such and all these great people.
Speaker 2:And here you are, and he was a total good sport about it. I think it was a sports show that he would come on every so often and read some of these jokes. You know he was. Yeah, he could have been like oh, they're making fun of me, but he just seems a good sport about it. So, right, no, what do you expect from someone Chuck Norris who doesn't breathe? He holds the air hostage.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, hey want to hear something funny. I thought about you remember Big League 2? Not even. Oh goddammit, I don't know if I like this episode. Were people just snarky and shitty in the 80s?
Speaker 2:Because fuck that If they were out of cocaine, which remember that cocaine use in the 80s was so rampant, people were actually convinced that George Michael was straight, just saying Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just like. Come on, people, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no. Anyway, it's kind of like one of those ones like it's like when Rosie O'Donnell came out. Yeah, it's kind of like One of those ones Like it's like when Rosie O'Donnell Came out. It's like, okay, sure, like yeah, makes sense to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nobody's shocked here. So Another British one that was kind of Whatever To snog Is to kish passionately and that's one. And then Telly Telly came about In the 80s, so that was kind of cool. Those are neat. I like that. So Swatch Watches and Ecto Cooler I did see the Swatch Watch, ecto Cooler. Was that like the Slimer drink?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the Hi-C. I remember, yeah, hi-c. Just like let's get our kids all hopped up on sugar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, very high. Some church-colored dye yeah, that's great, go Slimer. Slimer's a very good guy. I followed his teachings as a kid. There's a lot of great things that came out of the 80s, like Bill Murray's career mainly sparked from the 80s, and that's fantastic. So let's not all just trash this lazy slang from the 80s. I feel like a lot of it's pretty stupid, but I don't know. That's just me coming from where I come from Like neon animal print yeah, what the hell's going on? It doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 2:Motley Crue. Look at you guys Like it wasn't just women. Yeah, High-waisted jeans for people and stuff, Not choice.
Speaker 1:No high-waisted jeans for people. Not choice, not choice at all. I don't feel like choice is something you should try to bring back, my friend no, I'm not going to.
Speaker 2:I didn't use much of this flag. I'm merely pointing out yeah, you know me, hey everybody out there.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to our 100th episode recap, part 1. Hope everybody out there is. Thanks for listening to our 100th episode recap, part one. Hope everybody out there is enjoying their day or their evening. Yeah, I guess I'll say it for Owen. Much love everybody, thank you.
