I Tell Stories
I Tell Stories Podcast covers a wide range of topics discussed by Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael. From the scourge on humanity of violent business hippies and Scott Baio to peculiar Serbian Mother's Day traditions,the boys offer their unique perspective. Revolutionary artists,legends of folklore and bizzare following of fast food items are just a few of the subjects touched on. I Tell Stories aims to bring attention to individuals and occerrences that are too interesting to be forgotten. Two long time friends who keep each other laughing give listeners their take on the world. Everyone has a story, these are ours and those of many others.
Support The Show 👇🏻
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2035680/support
I Tell Stories
100 Episode Recap Part 2
We explore an eclectic mix of bizarre topics from illegal booger-flicking to the infamous exploding whale incident, while diving into mythology, strange cultural trivia, and unexpected food origins.
• The strange regional laws that prohibit booger flicking in Whitehall and honking at sandwich shops at 9pm
• Montana's unofficial sport of "meth cycling" - stealing bikes to ride between locations
• Shamash, the Mesopotamian sun deity known as "Governor of the Universe" with power over light and darkness
• The 1970 exploding whale disaster in Florence, Oregon where dynamite sent blubber "beyond all believable bounds"
• Fascinating food topics including poutine, potatoes being the first vegetable grown in space, and the Scottish origins of fried chicken
• Scottish trivia including the prevalence of redheads, UFO sightings in Bonnie Bridge, and the world's first color photograph
• The legend of the Pied Piper and the modern cultural phenomenon of the "douche flute"
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2035680/support
Support the Show!!!
Well, I've never been to Whitehall and I guess I don't. It really wouldn't be an issue, but it is illegal to flick a booger into the wind in Whitehall specifically.
Speaker 2:Ew, okay, they have time on their hands in Whitehall.
Speaker 1:I guess so, and I think this is statewide. But it's illegal to honk your horn in front of a sandwich shop at 9 pm. Why would you do that? I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's like any other 901s kosher, but like kosher sandwich shop Sounds like pimps in San Francisco, but they're honking for different reasons. Spult to the sandwich shop Beep, beep.
Speaker 1:Haven't heard that euphemism. I haven't heard that euphemism.
Speaker 2:Hey, I bring things to the table, willing and able, as Smoothie would say, and willing and able, huh, all right. Anyway, go ahead, bro. That was good, let's keep it up. My parent, my parent, all my parents, all my parents, my parents didn't like All my parents. Yes, like all my three. It is Montana. Yeah, I know right, Cousin Unky Ma, yeah, any excuse to bash Montana, guys. No God, we need to stop that shit. It's too easy. I didn't say anything. Well, I know, I know Sometimes like I'm just disappointed and I sit here and there, I go back and listen to us and I'm just disappointed, disappointed, and I sit here and there like I go back and listen to us and I'm like man, we were killing that, at least you know good positivity level. And then we're like, oh, fucking dumpster, fire Montana.
Speaker 1:And I'm like god guys, it's beautiful out there. No, it's a lovely place for the new sport meth cycling yeah anyway. Oh my god. I just saw a dude this morning that like twacked out riding a bike.
Speaker 2:That came to mind. My god, like you know, portland has those bikes you can just rent and, like you, ride around and they're like these orange community bikes or whatever right, and you know you pay for them though. Well, on the north side and south side of Billings, montana, you just walk through yards and take people's bikes and then you ride them to the trap and then you fucking ride some other bike you steal somewhere else. It is, it's like mess cycling. It's like a sport, like a triathlon, but only with stealing bikes. Like hey, get on the mountain bike, go go. Like like hey, get on the mountain bike, go, go, go, go, go go get some rock. Oh damn, there's a little girl's bike. Go, go, go. I've seen crackheads riding little girl's bikes around Billings Like for real.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That was good. I had some shit I was going to say and I'm at a loss what do you got going on there? What's next? My friend? I'm subtly interested. Shamash was the son of sin and held power over light, darkness and evil. He was revered as the god of justice and equity and served as the judge of both gods and men. Damn. He's a pretty powerful guy. Son seems to always be the all-powerful thing, which, as far as we're concerned, it is. I mean, I don't know what you'd put above that, possibly a black hole that could suck in the sun, but I think the sun would fuck us up before any of that happened. I don't know, anyway, but the sun is like everything. So Shamash was also considered the governor of the entire universe, which is a hell of a title, and was often depicted seated on a throne. It's a good gig, look, ma.
Speaker 1:I'm the governor of the universe. You got mad when I got a B-plus in social studies. Joke's on you.
Speaker 2:It does sound like that. Like I'm the governor of the universe. Like fuck you. So, bob, you the governor of the universe, fuck you. Like. So Bob. You went off to be a fucking coal miner and I'm the governor of the universe over here. My mom don't even give a shit, it's just like.
Speaker 1:I still get the small bowl of ice cream.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, I still get the small bowl of ice cream. That's fucking hilarious dude. I love this title bowl of ice cream. That's fucking hilarious dude. I love this title Governor of the Universe. I lost my spot because that was so damn funny. Oh, okay, you have a butler.
Speaker 1:I'm sure he does Give me a governor of the universe and not a butler.
Speaker 2:Dude, I would be butler of the universe. Why not Like butler of the? What would be butler of the universe? Why not Like butler of the governor? What would be the title? Universal butler, I don't know. Sounds kind of fancy, sounds like a busy job it does. You know? What's funny about that Is it probably would really suck. It's kind of like fucking calling a person who works at Walmart a cashier, an associate, a sales associate, like try to dress up a turd. Like if you got a job, you got a job. You're a fucking butler. I mean, I don't know, I clean shit, I don't give a fuck, I don't mind it a bit. But like I know how some, you know, I don't know, sorry.
Speaker 1:But if you're cleaning up after the entire universe, I'm consuming.
Speaker 2:Whoa, you, probably you know what he. What about the butler in Mr Deeds? Do you know what I'm talking about? I haven't even seen it. Oh my God, adam Sandler, he's like everywhere. He's like so fast and shit, he smacks Adam Sandler. What else is he in? Oh, brother War Out, though he's in that movie. Fuck, what is his name, I don't know. Anyway, anyway, this butler is super fast. Anybody out there listening that knows about funny movies apparently. But anyway, like fucking, they'll know the butler from Mr Deeds. So he's super fast and he could probably be. He might be the butler of the universe, as a Look, jeffrey, oh well, no, because Jeffrey's just too lackadaisical about shit, but he does get it done, doesn't he? Phil's pretty demanding, I don't know. Seemed like he would eat a lot too. Yeah, phil, yeah, so Jeffrey knows how to cook. That's a plus.
Speaker 1:Which is odd because he's British, so that doesn't check out. That kind of just ruined my childhood, but anyway.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well his.
Speaker 1:I believed in everything in the Fresh Prince, and now I feel that too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know, I know. So back to the governor of the universe, the entire universe as it is Often depicted seated on a throne holding symbols of justice and righteousness. He always had a staff in it, right? Hey, check this out. I actually have something on that sedan A whale of a deal.
Speaker 2:Man recalls how family's new car was crushed by blubber in 1970. Kelly Umenhofer tagged along on a business trip with his dad 45 years ago in the family's brand new car from Dunham Oldsmobile. The man, then 14, was meeting his father on November 12, 1970, and they're going to go watch the whale blow up, right, so that's the thing. So he says, quote so I'm all excited and I went over to my dad they're going to blow it up 20 cases of dynamite. My father proceeded to say I think you misheard them. I think he said 20 sticks. Umenhofer recalled Thursday and I said no, he said 20 cases, the cases. The rest is history.
Speaker 2:After they blew it up, everyone is watching in awe and then, 30 seconds later, blam, blam, blam, blam which in the video you can actually hear this blubber plopping. Guys, it's pretty weird. Oh, yeah, yeah. Then everyone's going. There's huge chunks of whale blubber getting thrown on us. That's what they yelled. I'd be like, holy fuck, what is going on? What the fuck? I don't even know Anyway. So an overwhelming chaos ensued. So then there's people running everywhere, he says, and as it started to come down, it went boom. It almost bent the car in a V shape. This piece was so big so my dad had bought it from Old Dunham's Cadillac, and their slogan at the time was come on in and we'll give you a whale of a deal.
Speaker 1:So yeah, and then how about dude's quote that Paul Lindman, the blast blasted blubber beyond all believable bounds?
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, peter Piper picked up pepper. You know like that is epic. When you hear this, you guys need to like. I'm telling you, look this video up. When I shared that with you from the site that did the remaster, it amazed me. It said it only had like 4.3 thousand or 4.4 thousand views. What does it mean? What the hell is it? Maybe I smoked weed? Yeah, I figured it would have like 20 million. No, yeah, I figured it would have had like 20 million?
Speaker 1:No, no, you didn't. And then did you see, about 20 years later, basically nearly 20 years later, it resurfaced. May 20th 1990, humor columnist Dave Barry wrote Moby Yuck, oh my God. And an abridged version of the column was posted on an electronic bulletin board. And yeah, you know, this is 1990. This is that was a brand new thing? I believe, I would think so. But it spread like wildfire or whale parts in Florence. Yes, yeah, many readers were under the impression. It just happened. And director wait, I don't know if he's a director, but anyway Ed Shopes of the Oregon Department of Transportation and public information officer. He was bombarded with angry phone calls, thinking that they'd just blown up this whale. He had to tell me like no, this is like almost 20 years ago. Yeah, I didn't have anything to do with this.
Speaker 2:After this mine explosion. I mean it must have blew his mind right, like what happened to him after that. He just laid around, or was that it?
Speaker 1:Uh no, while having ingested the Mormon family-sized dose of meth, his appetite was obviously suppressed for several days, but eventually, eventually, he was ready to eat. And so yet, desolate Lapland, finland, was not known for culinary delights, and our friend here survived by eating pine buds, and I guess he caught a live bird, a Siberian jay, as it were, and ate it. He didn't cook it, just ate it.
Speaker 1:I don't know if he gutted it, but yeah, yeah, yeah, anyway he stayed alive eating, I assume, pine buds or like pine cones, like miniature pine cones, and a Siberian Jay Emu Jesus guy. I don't think the Finnish are now famous for this dish. Maybe they are the Pine Jay, or whatever. He made some meth before dinner and then Sprinkle.
Speaker 2:It's like a fucking bird with a pine cone stuck in its mouth Sprinkled with meth. Yeah, on ice, not even Put it out Be feathered?
Speaker 1:Yeah, not even On ice. Well played, yeah, very good methamphetamine. Thank you for recognizing it. Was the bird super high when it died? I don't know. You eat it and then you don't eat for like six weeks. Yeah, I'm unclear and I don't mean to make fun of people's drug addictions or being unmasked. But yeah, now what that?
Speaker 2:is what it is, I don't know, but there is a place out here that has a big potato and it's like their thing. I think it's Canadian stuff, though, like that. What is that shit called that? You were talking about poutine.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, which I actually tried and surprisingly, I liked it what is it again, so everybody else can hear. It's fries with and don't quote me 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure it's like fries with cheese curds and then gravy on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that sounds right. Nothing wrong with some curd man.
Speaker 1:All right guys. Oh, I'm pro-curd, definitely, I'm definitely pro-curd and fry, but gravy usually, like, like, typically it's your. I mean, I love gravy in my pocket, but actual gravy it means something's dry and you're trying to mask. It is basically what my take on it but I get that too.
Speaker 2:I do understand that part of it.
Speaker 1:Some people just like dip in sauces and such my friend, so they'll be so down on gravy, I'm pro-Aju, but and that is good gravy, it's just most of the time it's like, just like slop with this.
Speaker 2:Right, I get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Anyway, so you know. And then, if you're having a steak, what's your favorite side? Potatoes, yeah, maybe some broccoli with that sometimes Stuff like that Garlic mash Stuff.
Speaker 1:Like that Like garlic mash. I like asparagus better than broccoli myself.
Speaker 2:I'm both. I'm pretty equal on that, pretty equal, you know, nonetheless, potatoes Fucking amazing guys. Okay, hey, what is a potato? Is it a fruit or a vegetable? Owen?
Speaker 1:It's a vegetable, isn't it? Yeah, it is, thank you, it's a vegetable, isn't it? Yeah, it is, thank you. Alright, it's the first vegetable to be grown in space? Yeah, I did see that. Yeah, if space is fake, does that mean potatoes are fake too? I don't know. Let's ask Mr Potato Head. Yeah, mr Potato Head, what do you say? Potatoes cannot be mentioned without Mr Potato.
Speaker 2:Head. Right Potato Head says that space is real guys. Okay, when is the potato from Owen? I think that it's the Inca.
Speaker 1:Yes, it was the first to cultivate it and I will say it is a gateway drug to cinnamon coffee cake, but that's basically about it. Yeah, bro, or Reese's peanut butter ice cream cups? Yes, cannabis can definitely lead to that.
Speaker 2:What are you smoking on right now that you're speaking like this, I want to know what strain do you?
Speaker 1:Public service announcement it is. I actually don't know it's something you? Public service announcement it is. I actually don't know it's something. I know the initials are YP, but I put it in a jar and I don't recall that it's a winner, that's for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Winner Winner YP Well, that's Y. So your prize, we'll call it that Good job, man you win, why so your? Prize. We'll call it that good job, man. You win. So good pants. There you go, if you like that. There you are my friend, but you're leading the show.
Speaker 1:It is actually a strain, because I was trying to think of it, I was like, well, I don't know, maybe yucatan peninsula, I guess that's not one, but it's not a strength apparently that I could find. But anyway, yeah, it's definitely. Uh, it's a thing definitely solid.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah yeah, that drunk monks beating up punks was there. That's what they was doing back then. They, man irish monks, were like there was a warrior monk class back then in, uh, in those uh little village areas and whatnot and shit. I don't even know. I was trying to go somewhere with that but I kind of lost it. Hey, guess what? The highest proportion of red-haired people in the world is in Scotland. Surprise, surprise. About 13% of the Scottish population has red hair, while 40% carry the recessive redhead gene. I'll be damned you know?
Speaker 2:Huh, I wonder where that comes from you know Like. What advantage is that?
Speaker 1:Like I want you to see, I don't know, but there are lots of redheads at the first Highland Games in the 11th century, I imagine oh, probably so when hammer throwing and haggis hurling were some of the events you could compete in Was it hag hurling or haggis hurling, I'm unsure.
Speaker 2:Like it said haggis.
Speaker 1:I thought yeah, Like like really cheap stomach, yeah, I could have that wrong.
Speaker 2:I don't know, you're wrong.
Speaker 1:Braveheart was actually the nickname of Robert the Bruce, but good old Mel Gibson decided to use it for the title. I wasn't aware of that. I wasn't either. That's upsetting. Yeah, mel, damn Mel. The very small town of Bonnie Bridge has over 300 reports of UFO sightings each year.
Speaker 2:Hell yeah, all right, go Bonnie Bridge. Hey, bonnie Bridge, you better be listening. Motherfuckers, pints up, all right.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm saying, yeah, oh, and here's one that's actually like a point of contention with some, where I'm just like whatever, let's all be so grateful that fried chicken exists, but a British cookbook in 17, 47 perfectly describes a Scottish recipe, for it doesn't use the words fried chicken, but it basically is. Some say it was just stolen from slave tradition, but I mean it's like, either way, I'm just glad fried chicken is like thank you, whoever Right, whoa, so maybe the Scottish, and maybe that gives me some like hope for my people, like having something good to do with culinary. I guess scones are good if they're done right, right.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty sure it was proven, though, that it's like a definite that the Scottish invented fried chicken. I think that's a real thing. I'm going to double check that Okay.
Speaker 1:Because I saw somebody who's like all heated about it.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm sure they were Damn. Let's just be glad it's here. I'm sure they were.
Speaker 1:But anyway Nonetheless. Yeah, I thought that was interesting. I actually saw that years ago on a TV. That's fantastic, you know Food Network thing. But I revisited it and just tried to read as much as I could.
Speaker 2:Again, I have no definitive proof, but Right, hey, fun fact the world's first color photograph was taken of Tartan Ribbon in Scotland. I don't know what Tartan Ribbon is. Do you Travesty Like I don't even know? I don't even know, you know it just sucks. He was at his peak, he'd just gotten out I mean, he'd already been a thing and all but like Mac Dre was like changing.
Speaker 1:He was bringing the West back Boy.
Speaker 2:That's what, for some reason. When I think about Mac Dre, it's like if Slick Rick was from America and from the West Coast, sort of.
Speaker 1:That's an interesting take. I wouldn't have thought of that, but that makes a lot of sense. I didn't say that, I just thought of that they're definitely like a different style than I mean style, than I mean everybody has their own style, but they're like just a kind of off the wall, fucking brilliance.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and it's the wordplay I just thought of that. This is not something I've been pondering.
Speaker 1:It's like I was like you're not teaching a class at a community college. Not yet, not yet.
Speaker 2:I've heard it's not difficult to get that job. Yeah, so no offense to anybody who does X. It probably is pretty difficult. My bad, I don't think I could do it. No, I don't either. How do you run your mouth? Well, step one, have no shame. So anyway, let's get on a positive note for this day. I don't know, not really so anyway, back's, get on a positive note for this day. I don't know, not really so anyway, back to musical curses.
Speaker 2:The Legend of the Pied Piper has endured the centuries, inspired works by the Grimm Brothers and Robert Browning and so many others. The story revolves around the Piper being hired to rid Hamelin of rats, which he accomplished by luring them with his magical flute. I don't know why that was funny. It reminds me of that douche flute comment, like for people who smoke e-cigs or whatever. He's like, douche flute.
Speaker 1:It was just so funny how that came up too, because we've gotten samples and they offer it to a regular customer. I was like, oh, too, because we got samples and they offered like a regular customer. I was like, oh here, do you want to? Do you guys use these? And he's so nonchalantly was like, oh no, yeah, we don't mess with the douche flute. What did you just say, Favorite person?
Speaker 2:of the week. Yeah, he's from Wyoming too, remember.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, Super cool couple. I haven't seen him in a while but if you happen to randomly be listening, yeah, I always enjoyed their visits and that was a comment for the ages.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you've made people out here on the West Coast laugh because I've been saying that shit. Like Nicole, my wife, like I'm like the douche. So she was like talking with her friend on the phone and they just started cracking up. What is a douche flute? I'm like I don't know. Apparently, you need douche flute juice to go with it. Anyway, enough of that shit. So the pie pirate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then I fucked up on the Stonehenge thing. Stonehenge just got trampled by a fucking dwarf. Just got trampled by a fucking dwarf Bunch of clowns.
