Spooky Dude: Robert the Devil

Chapters

• 1:38 Spooky Setup in Billings
• 3:23 Introducing Robert the Devil
• 5:23 Birth by Bargain with the Devil
• 10:38 Atrocity, Shock, and Remorse
• 13:18 Hermit’s Penance and Silence
• 18:33 Secret Knight Saves Rome

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:50

Well hello there my friend. Um it's nice to hear from you on this nice spooky day. Uh how is how's that that that Billings Montana spooky funk treating you out there in the in the Montana?

SPEAKER_01: 1:02

Oh you know, it's uh it's a spooky year round around these parts, especially in fine downtown Billings, but uh Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11

No, it's definitely uh definitely a spooky pa place to be. Um you might yeah, for sure. Oh my god, that's perfect. If you're a dentist indeed. Yeah, or uh yeah. People following you around, change. Change. Sorry. Sorry, everybody out there. Uh nonetheless, today we have a uh a story for you of sorts, I guess. Usually I would pre-record these things and then you know we listen and comment on it, and that's how we do the episode. But today I'm just gonna kind of give it a breakdown because uh it's about uh Robert the Devil.

SPEAKER_01: 1:49

He's uh uh look, mama, it's the devil.

SPEAKER_00: 1:52

Yeah. It's it's a famous uh it's like a folklore from France. Medieval. Medieval France, however you want to say that. Um they can't really pin down a uh an exact like you know, who it's after or whatever, these types of things, but they do have a couple ideas, and uh this so there's a lot of versions of it, is what I'm getting at. So I'm gonna to read here is a translation of uh a French novel. Uh or actually this is an Italian one, I I apologize. Arturo Graf gives this version of the legend in his 1889 book to Diavolo. I think I I hope I said that right. But anyway, here's the English translation of Robert the Devil, his basic story here, guys. There once was a Duchess of Normandy who was tormented with desire to have children, and yet could have none. Wary of recommending herself to God, who will not listen to her, she betakes herself to the devil, and her wish is speedily satisfied. A son is born to her, a veritable firebrand. As an infant, he bites his nurse and tears out her hair. As a lad, he nices his teachers. At the age of twenty, he becomes a bandit chief. He is dubbed knight, in the belief that thus the wicked instincts raging within him may be overcome. But thereafter, he is worse than he was before. No one surpasses him in strength or in courage. In attorney, he overthrows and slays thirty opponents. Then he goes roaming about the world. Then he returns to his native lands and begins once more to play the bandit, robbing, burning, murdering, ravishing, and one day, after cutting the throats of all the nuns of a certain abbey, he remembers his mother and goes in search of her. As soon as they spy him, the servants take their heels. Scattering in all directions, not one tarries to ask him whence he comes or what he desires. Then for the first time in his life, Robert is astounded at the horror which aspires in his fellow beings. For the first time he becomes conscious of his own monstrous wickedness, and he feels how his heart is pierced by the sharp tooth of remorse. But why is he wickeder than other men? Why was he born thus? Who made him what he is? An ardent longing seizes him to unravel this mystery. He hastens to his mother, and with the drawn sword, he adjures her to unveil to him the secret of his birth. Learning this, he becomes frantic. Uh yeah. You know, this goes on for a while. I'm gonna cut this right here. I'm making an executive decision. Okay, Ellen. Because within this story, his mother was barren, okay? Not like her title. She was barren, meaning that she couldn't have children. So, like, they and that would be a baroness, I suppose, right? But like uh, so she was praying to God, and he wouldn't answer her, so prayed to the devil, and the devil basically fathered this child. That's what he finds out eventually here. And uh, within the story as well, and some other versions I read, when he goes to that abbey to kill all the nuns, 50 is the number every time. That's something that stays consistent. But he goes to the abbey and he he rapes and kills the nuns. You know, they must have watered this one down a bit for general consumption, but it was more of a fuller version than I had found otherwise translated. So, like, nonetheless, he he rapes and kills these nuns. Okay, and then right after that, he goes to his mother's place where she lives and whatnot, and he's still bloody from all this, and that's why all these servants and whatever turn their turn to their heels or whatever it says in the in the thing I just read and tear out because they're terrified of him, you know, and that's when he realizes who he is, you know. I don't know. What do you think, Owen? What do you think of this folklore?

SPEAKER_01: 5:29

It's crazy. I did see that, yeah, it began in France and then gained a lot of traction in Spain and, as you said, Italy. And I mean, there's not that I can think of a more vile character, really, or you know, it's a very simple, very interesting concept, and especially then, you know, of Catholicism. Umest known account of in Latin as a prose narrative by a Dominican French at the end of and not Dominican Republic people. That's like an order of French. Yeah. Right. I'm like, what? I'm like, oh wait, no, I know that. I know that's a term. Right. Um, but yeah, just what a I mean, I can't recall any other story like raping and killing nuns people. Like this, yeah, this is uh 50 nuns, guys.

SPEAKER_00: 6:22

50 every time. Yeah. Yeah. Later on, Robert, um, once he understands like what he is as well, though, they try to make him a hero, sort of, in some way. And I mean, we gotta remember that this is medieval France. This is the same area that birthed William the Conqueror or the Bastard, you know, whichever way you want to say that. And he's nor knights in Normandy were very vile people, man. They they like the the chivalry that we know is just so untrue. They were uh rapists, basically, that couldn't read and rode ponies. That's that's what I get out of most. They did, because their horses, you know, horses weren't as the the horses they rode as knights were not very uh not very tall. They were more like uh a glitter hoof, as the BHP would call them. Um nonetheless, he uh he goes to uh uh to Rome, but he he finds a uh in the in the stories that I read, he finds a hermit, okay? And back then hermits had like qualities that were like religious, spiritual, for whatever, if you were a hermit, you were like some sort of an oracle in ways, you know. So he goes to this hermit. I'm telling you guys this off the top of the head, because I read a bunch of different versions of it to try to like kind of piece it together. But I do and anyway, so this hermit tells him how bad how terrible he is and what he needs to do to make penance. And basically what he says is he needs to dress down in the bearest of clothes, and uh the only food he can eat for his penance is the the food that the dogs reject, you know, in the streets, things of that nature, you know. And he ends up going to uh Rome and he gets an audience with the Pope, right? Is it the Pope? Yeah, yeah. So he gets a Robert uh Robert there, he gets an audience with the Pope, and uh the Pope thinks this guy looks so silly because he's kind of like a crazy person. I I believe in some of the stories he's not allowed to talk either, you know, that's part of the punishment. And um, and and it's not always the Pope, too. There's some monarchs, you know, it's somebody with a crown or like some sort of thing they can pass down as well. And uh because within these stories, as he's the fool in the court of the king or the pope or whatever it may be, he uh lives with the dogs, he's under the table, and they become uh there's the they become under threat from a another nation of sorts. And I think in some of the stories it's Turkey, right? Or what was Turkey? The Saracens, I believe. And I think that is right that they were that. But nonetheless, so the Saracens are attacking Rome, and an angel comes to Robert at night and says he needs to, you know, don his armor and go help fight and save Rome. And so he does on multiple occasions and just slays people, man. People are like, this guy, this knight out here in his armor, you know, he's he's crazy. He's slaying more than 50 nuns every time. You know, he's just he's just killing all sorts of folks, you know. And eventually the daughter of the king recognizes Robert, you know, as who he is. And uh for whatever reason, the uh king decides to give uh Robert his daughter's hand in marriage, which would mean that Robert would actually inherit Rome, the the this kingdom, you know. And uh because uh from what I get, it's like that's why I'm saying it's kind of mixed up. Sometimes it's the Pope, sometimes it's like a king, you know, it's what it is. And uh he turns that down and he ends up just going and living his life in the woods like a hermit. Huh. Yeah, that's the end results that I see. I don't know if you've seen anything else that came out of that.

SPEAKER_01: 9:56

There was I did see something about varying account where he did marry the princess, but more more so, it's more more of them are yeah, that he uh Yeah, he did basically repent, and I read one where he has a similar thing to spray differently that he vowed he wouldn't eat anything that he didn't have to wrestle from the jaws of the dog.

SPEAKER_00: 10:17

Yeah, isn't it insane?

SPEAKER_01: 10:19

Not even right.

SPEAKER_00: 10:21

No, it's uh it's definitely a thing, guys. This is a pretty crazy story. Uh I know the megavillin there.

SPEAKER_01: 10:28

Like, yeah, that's no half-ass ain't no such thing as halfway crooks, I guess.

SPEAKER_00: 10:34

Apparently not. No, and this thing here, too, uh, when one of them it says Robert redeemed his mother's prayer to Satan to conceive a child. So, like, they say by him like uh helping Rome overcome the Sarsen invasion or whatever, that basically that's how he redeemed himself and then at the same time redeemed his mother. So there's yeah, there's a lot of different versions of this. It's definitely uh yeah. So I don't know, there's thought there's that there's talk too within these things that uh one of his biggest uh he was born with sin because he was born outside of wedlock having a father who was a cuckold. Oh wow because he was a cuckhold of Satan. That's a that's a hell of a statement, guys. I don't know. Not as good a title as the governor of the universe. No, the cuckhold of Satan.

SPEAKER_01: 11:32

Oh my god. That's decidedly less optimal. In my opinion.

SPEAKER_00: 11:40

Yeah. Uh, you know, and they say that it's within this, it's supposed to be like a moral lesson and is fundamentally uh fundamentally biblical, is typically like the response by a lot of people, which I do understand because, you know, back in the day shit was quite a bit different. People were much more uh, you know, had a lot of religious fervor without any understanding. Wait a minute, I might talk it could be today, it could be you know that that just applies all across the board. You know, that there's no uh no thing to it. I don't know, man. Uh there's there's a couple characters that they do say that uh Robert the Devil really may have been based on, and one of them was the father of William the Conqueror. So that was a guy that they said could have been the inspiration uh for Robert the Devil was Robert of Normandy. And yeah, because he was a pretty bad guy. I'm telling you, these Norman uh these Norman lords were terrible, or these French ones in general, it was just ugh. Robert of Belem.

SPEAKER_01: 12:42

Yeah, they weren't bringing people baguettes and croissants. Yeah, no, it wasn't like Jesus and line.

SPEAKER_00: 12:47

Yeah, no, none of that shit. Yeah, no, the other the other one that they say it could have inspired the story was uh Robert of Belem, who we may get into in this spooky season. But this guy was so bad that I love how he's referenced uh in a show I listened to, the BHP, where they say Robert of Belem was so bad that he did not have a nickname in an era where everybody had a nickname because he was fucking Robert of Belem. He's like Jeffrey Dahmer. You know, that's why you don't hear a nickname for Jeffrey Dahmer, because he's fucking Jeffrey Dahmer, right, guys? Like so this you know, there's a whole lot that goes about Robert of Belem and his whole family. They're big fans of torture, and they had uh, you know, it it's it's a real whole whole thing there, guys. Uh but yeah, Robert the Devil definitely is one of those folklores where it's a sign, it's how the times were because it's so brutal and so like crazy, just just religious and and whatnot, and somehow still because he fought off heathens, he redeemed himself, even though he did rape and kill 50 nuns all in one sitting. You know, so how quickly we forget. Yeah, how could we forget? But you know, and so how quickly, you know, they're like, Oh, it's okay, Robert. Right, it's okay, you're cool. He killed the heathen. No worries, yeah. You murdered the brown people. You're fine, you're fine, guys. Yeah, so that's basically what happened. So uh, I don't know. Most of the time when I read these kind of stories, I'm like, this guy is not a hero. You know? It's kind of like when you read the the old Robin Hood, how like uh he fights that dude named Guy, remember? And like Guy of Gizborne. Oh shit, I remembered. And no, and he like literally like cuts off his head and wears his skin as like a horse outfit. I don't even know what the fuck's going on, but like there is some shit. Oh no, the the guy of Gizborne killed a horse and put it on somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds well, like a very stable uh individual. Yeah, it sounds like Texas Chainsaw, kinda. You know, like there's there's a lot of shit like that where that was just normal to them. They're like, oh yeah, of course. I mean, he was so big he he could wear a horse, skin it. Sure, why not? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 15:06

So uh hear about some equally terrifying uh Halloween characters? Yeah, of course. Uh this is a list of um bizarre candies found uh specifically around Halloween. Not all of them, but how about we'll get right off the bat with Gummy Maggot? Uh uh Yeah, it's like good opaque, yeah, brown it. Yeah. Disgusting. Um then apparently a company, Think Geek, in 2009 found it to be a good idea to release sour liquid candy pea and sour liquid candy blood. That's disgusting. So you're buying candy bodily fluids. Like, really, I'm sorry, I don't judge people. Take a look at your life.

SPEAKER_00: 15:57

Oh my god. I wonder what they sell for bachelorette parties. Oh Jesus. I'm sorry. Anyway, dude.

SPEAKER_01: 16:04

Whoa! Hey uh, insect lollipops. Everything from tequila worms to crickets or scorpions can be found. Right, yeah. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00: 16:13

I've seen those. They used to sell them at Spencer's, I feel. And I've seen them at a lot of truck stops. A lot of truck stops, I've seen the scorpion one. Oh, I yeah, I did tour, and all yeah, of course. Amongst other things, I was on the road, man.

unknown: 16:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 16:32

Turn the page. Sorry. There's a full pound gummy heart one can purchase. Oh my god. Is it is it like the size of a fist? Does it look like a heart? Yeah, it looks gigantic.

SPEAKER_01: 16:46

The guy's holding one, yeah. Um interesting. Saltageti.

unknown: 16:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 16:52

Apparently a cellar strand complete with a sauce to be poured over the confection noodles. Why? This is a war crime, I feel. Yeah. Um, here, to the British, this looks to be some kind of gummy thing. Uh, shrimps and bananas. And it's apparently they're not shrimp flavored, but rabbit.

SPEAKER_00: 17:12

I don't even understand right now what's going on. Welcome to Ice Tell Stories, people. Um, we went from Robert the Devil to shrimp candy. You know, if you want to know more about us, you can go to our website, pitlocksupply.com, where you can pick up t-shirts and such, and you know, check out what else we got going on. Uh, back to shrimp candy.

SPEAKER_01: 17:33

Dang, that was exciting. So this next one makes actually all of these seem markedly less disgusting, which is an accomplishment. The nose hose is something you strap to your face and then uncork the nose, and slimy green candy liquid is released onto your tongue. Well, that's equally disgusting.

SPEAKER_00: 17:57

I don't even know what's going on. No, that one, that's that takes the cake, I think. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01: 18:03

I don't know. There's something about the tea, the pea, the blood.

SPEAKER_00: 18:06

Okay, all of any of it's just no, the blood, but yeah. Blood, whatever, okay, in a way. And for some reason, blood's whatever for me. You know, maybe because it's Halloween, it makes sense, uh or whatever, but urine does not.

SPEAKER_01: 18:19

I I don't viable options. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:22

Was this a R. Kelly company, like subsidiary? Some sort of like, you know, or Donald Trump, is he associated with this company? Yeah. Sorry, guys. Anyway, out there in Podcastlandia. I don't know. We apologize for a lot. Well, not like truthfully, most of the time, though. You know.

SPEAKER_01: 18:43

We're sorry to bring some of this to your attention, and also you're welcome.

SPEAKER_00: 18:46

Yeah, yeah. For real. You know, internationally, or wait, what are we globally renowned? Yes, yes, we are. Hey, shout out Ghana.

SPEAKER_01: 18:54

Fact we are.

SPEAKER_00: 18:55

Yeah, hey, uh, I appreciate all our Ghana. Yeah, Ghana, for sure. All our Ghanaians. I hope I said that right. Oh my god, I should have looked that up. But shout out to those guys, for sure. And uh our German listeners. The people of Ghana. Yeah, the people of Ghana. Shout out to all the people of Ghana. Yeah. Alright, there we are. I like that. Good job, Owen. Go to save it. Um, you know, I think one of the most disturbing candies ever is candy corn for real. Like, I don't even get it. I don't I don't know what the appeal is. I I I it's kind of like black licorice for me. I just do not understand it. It's like, what were you guys eating otherwise? Was it really all that terrible that you picked that?

SPEAKER_01: 19:35

Yeah, it's just basically like wax with sugar, essentially, is like a waxy substance. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. I think that circus peanuts may have any of that. Well, of anything that I've actually like subjected myself to, that's perhaps the most vile candy that I have consumed.

SPEAKER_00: 19:52

Yeah, circus peanuts are nuts. Yeah, I know. I'm trying. Um, yeah, dude. No, this was pretty cool. Alright. Thanks for doing that, by the way. You know, this there's more to this Robert the Devil thing, by the way, guys, and we decided to put a little like killer candy at the end of it because some of this stuff is it's really hard to pin down because it's not translated. Like what there was just recently in the last five years, uh the first English translation of the story, because most of the story comes from a romance novel uh from medieval times, and that's just kind of banned by the Bishop of Antwerp, I I believe, in 1621.

SPEAKER_01: 20:40

Oh, thank you. It was added added to the index of banned books.

SPEAKER_00: 20:44

Yeah. No, that's uh yeah, there it is, 1621. I do see that. Damn. Good one, man. Way to be on it. See, that's like the best fact of the whole thing, you know. We actually got on that. So I don't know. Creepy guy, though. I don't I don't um I don't condone anybody behaving like Robert the Devil. Just saying. No. Yeah, certainly not. Leave it alone, you know. Uh, anybody who's a son of Satan. So does that mean the antichrist was already born? Does the devil have kids regularly? Is this like a thing? Should we be aware of this? I don't know. Probably something to ask.

SPEAKER_01: 21:20

Well, what was it from usual suspects? The grandest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn't exist.

SPEAKER_00: 21:26

Oh my god, yeah. No, that's for real, though. I mean, that just, you know, that's a definitely a thing. For real. Um. Anyway, I hope everybody's uh satisfied with this episode, and uh we're gonna keep them coming. That's our goal here at I Tell Stories. I hope everybody out there is having a great spooky season, and you'll be hearing from us soon. Much love, everybody.