I Tell Stories

#Facts: Unicorns Hate Lions

• Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael • Episode 114

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SPEAKER_01:

Uh hoy hoy.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh Ahoy to you, my friend. Uh it's been a bit of a been a bit of a lengthy vacation we took here due to technical difficulties. The Ahoyhoy, we did not go sailing, people. I our new listeners not may not understand the Ahoyhoy Owen, but um it's actually uh a Simpsons reference. Mr. Burns answers the phone like that one time, or something like that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I think that's his uh typical response when answering me.

SPEAKER_00:

That's amazing. I'm just gonna let you know that right now. I love the hot takes on the Simpsons, my friend. I feel like you're one of the only uh Simpsons aficionados in the world, though. Nobody else really references either Simpsons probably not The Simpsons and or Seinfeld. But you know, when something's good, it's good, right?

SPEAKER_01:

And also just since we took a hiatus, we did not the uh the group was not dissolved as the Beatles officially broke up at Disney World in 1974. They went their separate ways in 1970, but apparently, like legally, the Beatles were not any longer. But yeah, Call Tire's still on the show. We're still brothers, and um, yeah, just just so you know, fun facts there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, we weren't in a spat or anything. No, we didn't get into some sort of argument. Nope. None of that shit.

SPEAKER_01:

Hey, hey, uh we did argue over whether Taiwanese kiddos were actually we did not, but uh we discussed whether uh why Taiwan needs kiddos did not have the weird orange dust on them. This is a fact, people. Anyway, sorry.

SPEAKER_00:

It is a fact, and also back at it. Yeah, fact at it, back at it again. That's right. Hot damn, as Trig would say. Friend of the show, people. Today we're just gonna hit you with some facts that we uh we found on uh a list for Reader's Digest, because we're old. Alright, we remember what Reader's Digest is. I don't know if anybody else does. Hey, what did you just know that Beatles thing or is that on this list somewhere?

SPEAKER_01:

I didn't see No, that's on that list.

SPEAKER_00:

Sorry, I was not aware of I was like, holy shit, I didn't know you would yeah, alright.

SPEAKER_01:

But it was perfect, I figure.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, yeah, I was just digging it.

SPEAKER_01:

It fit. Sorry, it was not perfect. Nothing's perfect.

SPEAKER_00:

No, nothing no, nothing is my friend. Um so anyway, Beatles. I didn't know that. Yeah, I was thinking like you were some Beatle person, then I didn't wasn't aware of that. I don't know what they even call their fans, but um Beatle person.

SPEAKER_01:

The picture on it is great, too. I know I don't know. I'd like yoga on uh I digress. I'm not a Beatle person. But I've heard them said anywho.

SPEAKER_00:

Did they call them their fans bowl cuts? I don't know. That's something they could did they invent the bowl cut? I don't know. Yeah. Anyway, it feels like it could have been a thing. And all I could think was like, oh damn, Owen's sitting there listening. I wanna hold your hand. Don't see it happening, guys. Uh hey, I got a fact for you, Owen. Just in case you didn't know this. You're taller in the morning than at night. Isn't that strange? I feel like it is. Pretty bizarre, how bizarre. Here's a weird fact about the human body. When you wake up in the morning, you're one centimeter taller. Yeah. So that's because when you're lying down, your spine kind of like stretches and decompresses, which makes sense. And as you like stand up all day long and do whatever, you know, the the the weight of the world on your on your shoulders just kind of you know makes you that centimeter shorter. And but then you move move on, right guys?

SPEAKER_01:

Well what sorry, I gotta so is that like just on average, or is everyone because it's like Shaq, you know, a seven foot one, like does his is he like just a centimeter shorter? Right. I mean I don't know. Hey, let's ask a scientist.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Um apparently you can read all about that in a book called The Humanial. Uh by these I could. I could, yeah. Yeah, that's a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01:

You could also eat spugatini.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Yeah, you could. You could do that. Nonetheless. Hey guys, you are taller in the morning and it does make sense. Don't let the world crush you. Okay. Yeah. Thanks, Owen. Jeez. Trying to take my thunder, my friend. I'm just joking with you. Hey, I got a good one for you. Alright. This one's amazing. I actually didn't know this one, though, people. Uh, and when I read it, I was read it at first. I was uh like, how bizarre. Okay, I'm gonna use that word quite a bit, I think, today. God rest the how bizarre guy again from Papua New Guinea or wherever he's from. Where is he from? Yeah, they're fucking New Zealand.

SPEAKER_01:

Why did you not remember? I don't know why I think it's so funny, but you you mentioned it multiple times. Like, I can't. That place is by Australia. Now it's Papua New Guinea, which I believe. That place I can't remember. They filmed fucking Lord of the Rings there, which I've never seen. Actually, I saw one of those movies be crushing me. Uh anywho. Um, yes, New Zealand's a very like well-known place, but Cop just refuses to remember.

SPEAKER_00:

I couldn't remember it, because I was like, fuck it, I'm just gonna say anywho. Yeah. I just figured I'd say the first first country that keeps it's okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So that's where that guy, the help is that guy. God rest. God rest. Um as far as cult's concerned, New Zealand is a sinking of a fucking ocean. Yeah. Can't remember. I don't know. Yeah. No, no, he has nothing against New Zealand or Papua New Guinea or pygmies or that nature.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I don't. None of them. They're all fine with me. I just said the first country that came to mind. I was like, fuck it, I'm just saying something because I knew it was gonna be. We need a tangent horn. Knock that shit off. The okay, so anyway, um the Caesar salad, guys, people out there, uh, was invented in Mexico. Believe it or not. You may uh think of Caesar from, you know, obviously the Roman Empire, but it was actually can uh created in Tijuana, Mexico. At a little like immigrant like restaurant kind of deal, uh, by a fellow named Caesar Cardini, which is a hell of a name, anyway. Uh it doesn't say if he was uh if he was Mexican or Italian. I do believe in some stuff that I read previous to this, he was uh he was definitely a Mexican gentleman. And uh Cardini, the owner of Caesar's place, which is the the famous place that uh invented the Caesar salad guys in Tijuana, Mexico. If you ever want to go down there and not peruse prostitutes, I'm looking at two weirdos. Just go have a Caesar salad, okay? It's okay. Alright. Um but yeah, the the reason he invented it was he was under pressure to serve, like, because back in the day, dude, Tijuana was not known to be dangerous. Uh during prohibition and stuff like that, people would just kind of hop the border and go party, and obviously before then I think marijuana was legal in the US at that point in time. I can't remember why, but there was quite a uh a reason why people were running across a Tijuana to go party. Some of it may have had to do with some footloose type uh type situations, you know what I'm saying, where like the town didn't want their kids to behave a certain way or you know, high standards in those those situations, my friends. So there's a lot of Californians running to Tijuana, and apparently they wanted to go to Caesar's place. And uh so he was like, fuck, what do I do? I'm running out of food, I don't have like any of these cool things. Oh, right here it does state that it was a lot of the Californians who were looking for a break from Prohibition. So I did have that right. On the fly, he whipped up a salad using romaine lettuce and whatever ingredients he had. So he just fucking flung this shit together, including garlic, flavored oil, eggs, parmesan cheese, lemons, and worthy just or sauce. Word traveled fast. And Caesar's salad became a sensation from coast to coast. And the thing I read, he also put anchovies on there. That is uh right? I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I've heard that that's uh inerrance at least in uh the dressing or whatever.

SPEAKER_00:

Caesar. Yeah. Well, good job, Caesar. Yeah. Um, so let's go. Yeah, let's go, Owen. Got anything else for me?

SPEAKER_01:

I'm still gonna be a little out of my price range, but apparently there's a restaurant in New York City that sells a$2,700 pizza.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh my god. What could be on it?

SPEAKER_01:

24 carrot gold leaves, Stilton blue cheese, which is just blue cheese from England. Okay. Which is, you know, and I'm not a huge blue cheese guy. So um Hudson Valley Floie Gras, so that's you know, that's right there, Hudson Valley. That's um flagras when they eat. Platinum Oster. Oh yeah, where they force feed the goose, like until its liver is so fucking like bloated that then it's like rich people think it's funny to eat it. So I'm not hating on these guys' pizza, but I'm kinda hating on these guys' pizza. Yeah. Then caviar, and then uh French Pedig Shraffle. More caviar. Oh, it's optional for an extra$700. And it's uh that just sounds gross. Why would you put all this stuff on top of a anyway? Okay. No hate, no hate.

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm not like did watch player haters ball a clip of it yesterday. That's good. One of the most wonderful things on television ever. But like, I'm not hating this stuff, just sounds gross. Yeah, I'm not hating, I'm not this just sounds gross. Anyway, let's move on because I don't want to be negative McGee.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it's okay. I just I'm trying to picture in my head what it looks like, and it sounds disgusting.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, in general, it just shows a picture of the restaurant. These people can tell each other I ate gross stuff that's expensive on my pizza. That would have been good. Yeah. That's it just sounds that's my take. And you know me, I'm like, people don't, you know, you've had to say, like, hey, look, this guy's not fancy. He just actually likes good food. Yeah. Like, yeah, that sounds like barf in a fucking hat. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it doesn't sound very good. It sounds um, it sounds very salty. That's what it sounds like. And a fatty liver sounds like it would taste so it's like salty and irony. Right? Is that ironic? I don't know. That is not. Nobody knows what irony is. Um hey, so my fun fact coming up next. Hot take, guys. Uh right after this ad. Just joking. Anyway, that's coming too. We might be doing some shit. I don't know, guys. Watch out. Uh the oldest goldfish live to be 43 years old. That's pretty pretty amazing, actually. Most people can't keep them alive for like three days. Um, I I don't know how long I've had goldfish off and on, and I know they can get pretty big. They're related to koi, I'm assuming. And those things can live quite a while. So that doesn't totally shock me. But I think it's a shocker because of you know what we're used to is like children consistently kill their pets. But in the UK, my friends, a goldfish named Tish. Yeah, this goldfish named Tish. Um, he was the beloved pet of Hilda and Gordon Hand. What a name. Gordon Hand. I sell cars. Died in 1999, making her the longest living goldfish, according to Guinness World Records. And I trust that source. The Hand family got Tish.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm sorry to be a cynic, but they did check daily, and somebody didn't replace the fish. Someone's like, oh, that's Tish for sure. Like someone from Guinness came by daily and was like, Yep, that's the same fish. Okay. Again, don't want to be a cynic.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, yeah. I'm just yeah, I understand these things. No, I'm assuming there's a way to kind of tell how old they are, sort of. Like a guesstimate. You know, maybe they they send in some uh autopsy people, like a fish crime lab type situation. Or I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'll yeah, so pets, obviously, but I don't mean to make light of this, but someone call it like Tish, Tish, oh Tish looked at me.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like no, no. Okay, sorry. It's okay. Tish. Anyway, I'm wondering what the fuck's with that name. So they got they got Tish in 1956 after the son Peter won uh the fish at a fair. So it was a fair fish of all things, too. What a prize. Yeah, here feed this for 43 years while it looks at you blankly. I mean, some people okay, well, we've battled. Oh yeah, let's stop. Stop. It's now marriages. Uh uh. Oh jeez. Hey, you can always go back and listen to our listen to our episode on uh marriage. This is just the beginning. I don't know what number that is, but it's it's a solid episode, guys. Um sorry. Let me s let me see here. I'm just perusing as they say. What does that mean? Am I using that right? I think I am. It means like you're kind of browsing, Peruse.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, peruse, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Peruse. Yeah, Peruse.

SPEAKER_01:

Underwater post office in the South Pacific.

SPEAKER_00:

There is one? Is that what you're saying? You're telling me this right now?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's on that list, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh wow. Well, I'm just finding that up. Hold on. You're not even just slow your roll, Mr. McMichael. Um, okay, so Andrew Johnson was buried with his head on the Constitution. Pretty solid dude. The 17th president died on No, he's a fucking I like he is a fucking terrible human being. Well he was the president of the United States. I don't even know anybody. Okay. Checks out. Yeah. Yeah, I feel that it only it's only gotten worse. I mean, you got better. No, it hasn't. I I think the closest thing you can compare to Ronald Dump is like Grover Cleveland or because Nixon was better than Trump. I want everybody out there to think about that. Okay. Nixon, like, was a weird neurotic guy and he wiretapped some opponents, and that was it. And that was enough to impeach him. Anyway. Alright, so moving on. Um, what's next on this list, Owen? I'm very interested.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, and I guess sorry, I was thinking of Jackson, not Johnson. I don't know much about Johnson's president. I wanted to say Jackson was an old hickory, he was a fucking snake. That was a super racist guy. I don't know. Maybe Johnson is a nice guy and he gave people puppies and stuff like that. But yeah, I'm not much for uh ancestry, but I do know that a bear, or I know now I'm aware, I should say. I didn't know until this list was brought to my attention. A bear became corporal in World War Two.

SPEAKER_00:

That's amazing. I think that's chock full of uh brilliant uh storytelling type uh damn it, I don't even know where I'm going with this, Zwin. That's great. That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_01:

The Polish army's second artillery supply adopted a bear cub named Wolfjeck. I don't know, but I'm pronouncing that right, but I mean, hey, this is look at out of all the horrors of World War II, we touched on Judy, the only one that was uh declared uh a prisoner of war. Oh yeah, this is a English battery, I believe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, no, you're right. I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01:

Judy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. There's a couple of war.

SPEAKER_01:

Jode, Joda, Joda. Yeah. Um, yes, but like now an animal, like uh apparently I was unaware of this for sure. But Poland gave uh the rank of Wolfek was uh declared a private, and then uh helped to move ammunition into Italy.

SPEAKER_00:

So I'll be down. No, that's amazing. I I love that fact. And I I thought you were setting me up for like a Polish joke, because I'm pretty sure those are universally told, but it is not. Alright. Well, then you can change it with anything Scottish.

SPEAKER_01:

If someone like changed it to Scottish, like there's a you know, why can't the Polish raise chickens?

SPEAKER_00:

Why not, Owen?

SPEAKER_01:

Tell me. They bury the eggs too deep. Oh, bummer. That's and see if someone's like changed that to Scottish, I wouldn't get all upset. I wouldn't uh get my kilt in a bunch.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Alright, bro, good deal. Hey, you know, thinking of speaking of war, did you know that uh women in allied countries wore red lipstick because they hated Adolf Hitler? I don't know why, but Hitler specifically had a thing against red lipstick, I guess. It was kind of a turnoff of his or something, but so uh that made it so you know women around these nations would wear it as like a fuck you to Hitler. Um Madeleine Marsh, author of Compacts and Cosmetics, beauty for be yeah, beauty for the vic from the Victorian times, son of a bitch. Anyway, uh in response, women and Alex Yeah, we can't even hear this. Let's let's just move on. The point is that women, that's pretty cool. You know, so they unified go ladies, way to hate Hitler. I'm all for it. Fuck a Nazi. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Fuck yeah. Alright. Them yeah. I guess not even worth the hatred. They're so fucking stupid. Oops, Adam would be mad if we said that, not about the Nazis, but just said I swore and said Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

No, myself.

SPEAKER_01:

They're just bad. Bad.

SPEAKER_00:

Bad folks. Um, that's definitely a thing. Speaking of stuff like that, did you uh if you don't recall, Scotland's national animal, my friend, what is it? Unicorn. Yeah, why in the fuck? The mythical animal has been a celebrated symbol for centuries, appearing on the Scottish royal coat of arms in the 12th century and on gold coins in the 1600s. I didn't know that shit. According to the Scotsman, which is very valid, one theory on why Scottish chose a unicorn is that it's been regarded as like the natural enemy of the lion. What? Is it I didn't know is this common knowledge that I was unaware of?

SPEAKER_01:

I know.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I maybe so, but not common sense Oh what the even myself these Scots. Uh the reason being is uh England's symbol is the lion. And so they picked the unicorn because as we all know, unicorns are the natural lion.

SPEAKER_01:

We all know. No that. Oh if not, it it it's clear once hearing. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Anyway. Like in Sweden, Cool Ranch Doritos are called Cool American.

SPEAKER_00:

Stupid.

SPEAKER_01:

No, they're not. Is that real?

SPEAKER_00:

What the fuck is going on?

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know. And again, I've ordered. I was just eating. Actually, I will take a bite of a Taiwanese Cheetah right now, so who knows what the fuck? It says like it just says Cheetos and it it shows a picture of like steak on it. It could just say you stupid fucking honky in like the characters. It might. I would think it was funny. I don't think it does. Um these are tasty. Oh, called them. Yeah, I sent you up.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you did say me big. They're pretty good. They are tasty. Hey, just before we uh get off the the unicorn thing real quick here. The April 9th. Yeah, no, it's okay. Scots values national animal so much that they actually uh made a holiday for it. Uh April 9th is designated as National Unicorn Day. So you ready for that episode in the future, people, if we remember? If not, you know, remind us maybe. That'd be cool.

SPEAKER_01:

Well shit. I can see the picture of the unicorn too. Impressive.

SPEAKER_00:

It is impressive.

SPEAKER_01:

It doesn't look happy.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, why the fuck am I up here perched on this shit? Anyhow. The flag's cool.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Like the flag. Yeah, the flag's cool. It is good. We did an episode on flags, people. Uh flag day. Check it out. Definitely a thing. Definitely a thing. So I I have a fun fact about Warren G, Owen. So Warren G. You tell. Yeah, okay. I'm I'm coming with this. I'm gonna bring the heat. Regulators! Mount up. So Warren G. Harding's wife was rumored to have killed him. Uh, the president Warren G. Harding. Sorry. Uh, the 29th president of the US, he was elected in 1920 and died in 1923, only uh two years into his term, which I do remember this. Florence Harding may have poisoned him out of revenge for his extramarital affairs. Shocking that the US president would have those. Especially since she refused an autopsy. Well, that does kind of kind of lay some credence to that. I mean, I don't know, or is there any religious groups that are anti-autopsy? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

You're asking me what that's what I do. I go around to meetings about the anti-autopsy religious group.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's a fun time.

SPEAKER_00:

It is a fun time.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, that's the Tuesdays, but uh Wellid reading material. Sorry, I I'm not there.

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

Fun fact, uh, Warren G. Harding introduced the uh word normalcy to the English language as it was normality, but then he said it in a speech, as I understand. Can I confirm that? Is that off the channel? In college, but yeah, that it was it was normality as before, and he said normalcy in a speech, and then it was changed. Damn it. Much like I mean, I understand if Chuck Norris get the word changed, but Chuck Norris would never misspeak anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

So no, I digress.

SPEAKER_01:

But yeah, Warren G. Harding, huh?

SPEAKER_00:

I'll be damned. Regulators mount up. There we are. There we are, people. Uh speaking of which, uh, if you want to check us out, go to pitlocksupply.com. We have uh shirts and links to a lot of stuff there. It's it's our website, it's kind of a coalition. Uh, if you're in Billings, Montana, stop by Boogie's Bodega on First Avenue North. I don't quite always I never remember the exact address. That should be like something I memorize. I apologize again to all you people out there. Uh I'm glad we gotta do this, man. This was definitely a a quick episode. Sorry it took us so long. I'm probably gonna drop this sucker as like a warm-up style episode and just letting you guys know that we just had some technical difficulties, shit was down uh for a little bit. I found a workaround, so we're in good shape. No whining over here, people. We do want to keep up the positivity and keep the the episodes flowing. We dropped like fucking four episodes in a week and then shit fucked up. It's like I they're like, you're going too hard, guys. You're going too hard, they're not ready for us. So but we do have plans uh here in the future if I can keep everything together and in my life and with the equipment to uh to do some cool stuff. So everybody stay on the lookout, and I hate to say shit like that because I feel like every time I get to this point where I'm telling people, hey, watch out for this, we're gonna be dropping some some hot fire, right? Uh then something happens and then we don't you don't hear from us for another fucking month. But uh we do have a couple episodes recorded otherwise, right? And so, you know, we'll see what happens, guys. But I hope you learned.

SPEAKER_01:

Just don't get Paris syndrome. Apparently, this is a real thing. Like we're so excited that uh then when it fails to you know, once we don't release episodes, you guys are so excited. Oh my god, yeah. I kid, I kid. But yeah, you get so upset that's your right.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's like it doesn't live up to the height.

SPEAKER_01:

For Paris, do you know this one, my friend? Did you read this one? No, I didn't. No. Like they're so excited about Paris that it fails to live up to expectations, though.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Increased heart rate, dizziness, vomiting. Oh my god. Is that like a I don't think hopefully people hopefully we'll be back.

SPEAKER_00:

We'll be back at night. Right. You just inspired me, my friend. The mayor of a one Minnesota town is a vomiting? Yeah, no, hold on. Hold on. The mayor of a one Minnesota town is a dog. I just seen this. So there's a town in Minnesota with a dog for a mayor. This is as of uh August 2024. It's a great Pyrenees named uh Khaleesi. Okay, like the Game of Thrones woman. Uh I didn't really watch that, guys. I apologize. So, anyway, that's kind of cool. Well, good job, Minnesota town. I don't see where the name of this town is. Uh, they may not want people to know. Oh, Cormorant. Cormorant? C-O-R-M-O-R-A-N-T. What'd you call my mom? Right. Anyway, on that note.

Head Shot

Colt Draine

Host
Head Shot

Owen “The Mic” Mcmichael

Host

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I Tell Stories

Colt Draine and Owen "The Mic" McMichael